Poetry Forum

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Critique my villanelle about gender dysphoria!

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

12/1/2021 11:07:32 AM Gale Weathers Posts: 2	razorblade by gale weathers with a razor I crop and cut away all signifiers of my birth name so i can finally let my hips sway prickly pits and nasty days of dreading dance, searing shame with a razor; I crop and cut away what urges you to hiss at me? how I dare defy nature so seductively? i have. to let my hips sway bitches beware of my witty ways the ones that cross me will know my pain with a razor; I cut and cut away those who march to a different drummer though baby! call me by my chosen name so i can finally; let my hips sway! never have I felt so clean and gay each hair, each foe and all that shame with a razor I cut and cut away so i can finally let my hips sway.
	• permalink • reply with quote
1/16/2022 10:19:29 AM Constantinos Dino Doonan Posts: 5	This is a beautiful poem! I really was able to feel the pain.
	• permalink • reply with quote
2/27/2022 7:30:40 AM Spirit Cook Posts: 2	Wow! The imagery of swaying hips says all that needs to be said about gender
	• permalink • reply with quote
3/24/2022 9:31:57 AM Evan Meyer Posts: 7	I love villanelles, and this is a terrific example. I just have a few small suggestions. I rather feel that your 2nd and 3rd stanzas should swap their 3rd lines. See what you think. The first line of stanza 5 made me pause. For the rhythm of the poem, it seems too long. Also "march to a different drummer" doesn't work for me. First, it is a cliche. And then, it generally refers to someone who is following their own way, in contrast to society or 'the norm." That is you, I think, not those who disagree with you. And you are rightly proud of that. The last stanza just wowed me. Could not possibly be better!
	• permalink • reply with quote