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Forum Home » High Critique » seeking imput on poem

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/14/2024 11:19:47 AM

Buddy Van Buren
Posts: 2
Monster meat

Nothing more than monster meat
That's what we are

A demons treat
Living in the city, stone beneath my feet

No where to hide from life
Tightrope walking on the edge of a knife

Monster meat
That's what we are

A demons treat
Blank keyboard just control alt delete

Unbroken legs and no where to run
We are the bullets living in the gun

Monster meat
That's how I feel

A demons treat
Plastic sticks and no drum to beat.

It seems the only way to win is to fail.
Just a bunch of empty souls for sale.

Monster meat
That's what we are.

A demons treat
Survived another day, thats quite a feat

Chewed up or swallowed whole
There is no pleasant way to go.

Monster meat
That's how I feel.

Monster meat
Yeah that's all we are.

Just meat for the monster.
A demons treat.

Monster meat.
That's what we are

Nothing more than...
Monster meat

Yep monster meat
That's what I am

We are what matters the least
In time we all gotta feed the beast

Monster meat
Nothing more
Nothing less
than Monster meat
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12/15/2024 2:23:28 AM

Mary Lynn Nakoneczny
Posts: 4
It's perfect, Buddy. The tone plays out gradually, in my opinion from a slightly irritated point of view and peaks at the end, an all-too convinced frame of mind from the speaker. Awesome.
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