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K.M North Poem
we sat, my brother and I
leaning against the old wood pannels of the room
the smoke engulfed us like breath
as the threat of violence loomed
his voice was quiet still
passion and regret burned in his eyes
when he finally opened his mouth
words failed him for the first time
he'd been our uncle for ages
a part of our lives since we were kids
my mother used to say he was funny once
but that the war had changed him
finally he spoke in slow motion
we waited on tenterhooks for every word
our breath bound by more than smoke
as he let his story unfurl
leaning back in his chair
the words crawled from his lips
a voice beat to a pulp
by his whiskey and cigarettes
he talked of the sceneary
the forrests thicker than amber
the "nats" as he called them
clung to your skin like a cancer
He was only 19 then
fresh off the farm he'd always worked on
fired his first gun at basic training
his drill sargeant told him that they were now one
his words formed snakes
that coiled around my brother and i
and when his words got soft and slow
he simply took a drag and closed his eyes
he described in details
much more than any kids should know
details about basic training
and the washouts that walked skid row
he turned twenty the day before
he hopped on his first airplane
while he and others got sick
the music on the stereo played
he skipped some parts
the walking, the girls, the mundane acts
instead he talked about his friend
how they were like brothers, just like me and Jack
His boots destroyed his feet
his clothes permanently soaked to bone
he laughed with gravel in his voice
as he talked about missing home
Dean was the name
of his friend, his brother in arms
he was from Alabama
with a southern accent, rich and strong
They would talk about girls
who they had waiting in bed
nights spent on watch
guns, "nats" and hushed conversation between them
My uncle talked in clicks
spoke of companies and Charlies
his hands shook with a violence
that was only matched by his memory
Jack and I sat stone still
hanging on to every word and deep breath
knees tucked up to our chins
shaking from the excitement of what would come next
we were so young then
and knew nothing of battle, war, or loss
the term post tramatic stress disorder
was foreign to all and did nothing to help us
he leaned close so to whisper
because his natural, deep voice failed him
sweat clung to his shirt now
as his fingers held a cigarette that bounced from the trembling
The sun had made it's decent
the room was now filled with shadows
our uncle clutched his crucifix
his hand turned white from the hallow
he slowly set the scene
tilting his head back as he exhaled deeply
the Binh Duong Province, October 17th
Innocence was lost entirely on that morning
The television and papers screamed
calling it the battle of Ong Thahn
my uncle called it a waste of lives
the army called them the 2nd battalion
64 died in 2 hours
Dean, my uncles rock among them
as he spoke those words he sobbed
some of his best friends were now dead
he told us about the war
his two tours he barely lived through
talked to us about mortars, and friendly fire
and of how the scenery was so beautiful
He cussed lowly in his whispers
dried tears covered his face
He told us he never felt truly alive
after he left that god forsaken place
in the end it was the war
the war that tore him apart
dirt poor and a drunk
with a empty and violent heart
our uncle, the fun one once
divorced of our aunt and his innocence
might've as well died over there,
but life doesn't offer forgiveness
he ended up a cliche
the guy who was "really there man"
he came home fully intact
but was half the man he'd been
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
we can't all be cowboys
cheap shot
no filter
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
milestones are marked by photographs
by notches on door casings that show just how grown up we are getting
by midnights spent on front porch stoops with people we only half know drinking mixtures that taste as awful as they should but let the words and movements come fast and steady knowing that it's the only time loose lips are the only things sinking ships
We were children growing up in the backseats of parents who rarely spoke to each other
the children who blossomed into the worst love poems we only pretended to read
As children we played games in the backseat
I spy
middle seat smash
guess which song
then, sometime during the middle of awkward slow dances with fresh braces and clothes our parents picked out we stopped getting up early in the morning
we stopped counting down the days until christmas
we started playing games in the backseat
feet tucked or feet spread
windows down or windows steamed
i've never,
that time changed from clueless to reckless to clothesless lasts only the length of a song
the radio cuts out in some spots around French Hill but still plays Freshman by The Verve Pipe
as we close our eyes
mouths open
breath fluttering like heartbeats
we were no longer children
not yet adults but we knew every line to every song we liked and we knew the most honest places we had and what happened when we held our breathe for too long during the bass line
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
We cut out our windows so they'd match the pattern in the stars we'd fall asleep looking at
screaming your name over and over only produced tears and a ruptured larynx
Whispering it only tore down the walls that held us together
of all the mistakes I've made
the worst one was when I said I loved myself when in the end I was the worst friend I ever had
her teen years were spent mostly on her knees
holding two jobs
split between boys cars and church pews
If I loved you any more it would turn into hate
or maybe it's already there
at this point I'm not sure
we speak in riddles sometimes
almost asking questions but never failing with backhanded compliments and floor ridden apologies
I had the best time of my life in April
a night when all I did was break my own heart
it was at that point I knew for sure I had one
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
My brother liked to steal my cloze
I said I like too wear my socks two
He had a girlfriend named rose
That he'd bring home when our parents were aweigh
He'd say to her "I love you deer"
And give her a flour or to
One day I said "I want a girl that listens to medal"
He laughed and told me I was cereal
But I mustard up the courage without mintsing words
And i said to his girlfriend "you should merry me"
She said "yes" and my brother could only grown
But he'll be my best man when me and her get married at the beech
He'll be wearing socks and sandals by the see
And I'll be sockless but merrying rose happily
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
Looking out over this
I'm not the same as i once was
And the fireworks that dismantle the sky
Carry me back home
And just like that
You're dying in my arms again
In the bitter summer sun
Car crash scenes swing me to sleep
I'm afraid I'll die too late
To not be jaded and full of regrets
Looking out over this
I'm washed up and abandoned now
Dear, I've given you all I ever had
Now I'm faded pictures
And echoes that rattle the walls
Of your new life late at night
When you're all alone
What do you get when
The place you called home is all gone
And you feel like a stranger
Who doesn't know where they came from
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
I used to have these memories
it's like they'd write themselves
sowing me into scenes I never remembered being in
A cross stitch hostage with
my eyes flashing against the midnight black
it's the time when the blood is the warmest
taught, handcuffed to a moving car
it races down these dead end city streets
with the radio catching nothing but static
and when we drive off the pier
I can still recall the same familiar song
it's mornings like this I drink to forget the night
the whiskey masks the stubble
the stubble masks the frown lines
empty stomach yields water and nothing more
how ancient these rituals are
I am little use to the living these days
regards to the heavens
I've taken to these gutters
watching ahead and I'm falling behind
so let the sun beat in
catching my pale white skin
and turning me to flame
your songs write themselves
from these fingertips
but my voice can no longer speak your name
these are your instrumentals
that I sowed myself into
I've missed you for so long now
I need to be a part of something
need to feel real again
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
I was a prophet, wrapped in my mothers arms
brightest eyes that saw a darkened world
my brother was the halo figure, a golden arm for slingshots
a temper to smash his own fist against a brick wall
we wept in time with the funeral march
as our mother was buried in front of our eyes
misgivings and mass at midnight
praying to an empty alter
to save our grandfather, to spare him one more night
lying in bed a week later
I awoke to his voice telling me our prayers had done no good
It's easier to blame the empty bottles for my brothers death
easier to blame the teen years than the
push and pull of growing up an orphan
and on nights like this, more than a decade later
I can still recall that conversation when he told me
when he closed his eyes and spoke those words, barely above a whisper
that he wouldn't be around much longer
I was thirteen and still bright eyed
he was twenty three and weathered
I was a prophet, but even a blind man could see
the pain that was ingrained in his faintest smiles
the avalanche of emotions still hit and bury me deep
some nights i pray to let me reach safety
others I take solace in knowing that
the avalanche is holding me tight as I sleep
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
My fingertips are black now
From the picture in the obituary
It brings me back
To the day before thanksgiving
And I'm sorry that I wasn't there at the end
My cowardice runs deep enough
To hit my bones
This town isn't big enough
To hold all of my ghosts
So lets spend tonight
Singing along to warped 45's
My sins would kill you
If you were still alive
I used to have these secrets
They ate me up inside
Now we're out in the open
A pale fires replaced my bright eyes
And I'm sorry that I wasn't there at the end
It all ends in tears anyway
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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K.M North Poem
We've got anchors
1,200 miles away but we're mirror opposites
anchors to hold us down from floating away
or anchors to hold fast with a sinking ship
we've taken on water for sure
but that doesn't mean we're destined
for the bottom of the ocean
a father who was never there
and ended your relationship with a shotgun
and then there's me
a phone call away I'm too chicken hearted to make
with his faults and mine on full display
together we make a fine homage to
failures and mistakes
we've got anchors
a dozen states away but I've got mine
and you've got yours
I've sank in the shallowest of hearts and waters
I just hope you can steer away from the shallows
and become who we all know you can be
the ocean is no place for you girl
he was my brother once
I can still remember his silhouette
against the setting sun in the
heart of summer
playing the only game he could feel in his heart
I swore sixteen years ago
I wouldn't end the same way
and now that I've ruined more than my life
I'm positive I made a mistake and spoke too soon
We've got anchors
I let mine sink me
I just hope you dont' make the same mistake
So this is for Taylor, my brothers daughter. Read "For Collin" to get the jist
Copyright © K.M North | Year Posted 2015
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