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Stella Andrews Poem
Cursed
I was cursed from the moment. The sperm hit the egg
that laid inside my mother’s womb
I was cursed with the DNA from both sides of the family.
I stood no chance born into the world already knowing fear and rejection
I was cursed from the moment the sperm hit the egg
deep with them my mother‘s womb
I stood no chance into a family that had no morals or compassion
born into a family to be used and abused
I was cursed from the moment the sperm hit the egg,
nestled within my mother’s womb
born into loneliness and despair trying to breathe some different air
not knowing right from wrong.
The parents play a familiar song
Do as I say as not what you want.
I was cursed from the moment the sperm hit the egg
Nestle with in my mother’s womb
Born into slavery. I had no chance brush aside from uncles and aunts
abused by the very blood that my heart now pumps through my veins
I was cursed from the moment the sperm hit the egg
nestle deep within my mother‘s womb
born fighting to be loved to be wanted, and safe
only to fear my very faith
grow up, like them, or try and take the curse,
and never suffer forever more
at a young age to beg for death because that must be better than this
I was curse from the moment the sperm hit the egg
nestle deep with my mother‘s womb born, wishing to be in a tomb
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
Poison
Poison runs through my veins
Circulating throughout my entire body
I can feel it deep in my bones
Darken every aspect of my soul
I use to have the antidote
I use to have the will to heal
But the poison is strong
Suffocating any ounce of hope
Taking the flame and putting it out
Poison runs through my veins
Circulating through my entire body
I can feel it deep in my bones
Robing me of everything
Joy, hope, love, connection
Feeling like I can’t breath
Suffocating within my own skin
Can’t voice what’s wrong
How do you explain the poison
That flows within.
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
Sold
To be sold by the people
Who were supposed to love you
To be sold at
Just 9 years old
For alcohol and laughs
To be sold
Day after day
Why fight?
To be sold by people
Who were supposed to love you
To be sold at
Just 10 years old
Fear filled eyes
Scared of the dark
But can’t handle what’s in the light
Night after night
To be sold by people
Who were supposed to protect you
To be sold at
Just 11 years old
Losing any hope of being rescued
They are to smart and strong
Know what to say and how to act
Facts aren’t facts
No evidence of abuse or neglect
To be sold by someone who
Was supposed to protect you
the worlds keeps turning
But your world is dying
The will to live is faint
Alone inside
Crying to be feee
But no one will listen
Or choose to s e
To be sold by someone who
Was supposed to protect you
To be sold at
Just 12 years old
Held down and forced to fight
300 lbs of weight
Breathing begins to shake
Arms pin down as they watch
Laughing and partaking
In the water torture
All for what
To be sold
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
DID NIGHTMARE
having Did is not all that’s cracked up to be.
Having to try to remember what you did, day to day
Having people say “ I wish I had DID” because when I don’t want to handle something I could just switch.
As if I asked to go through the torture and trauma. As if I want to not remember my life.
The constant pain both emotionally and physically that comes from having DID.
The exhaustion that comes from switching, the constant of having people ask “who are you” or “who am I speaking with”. And sometimes you don’t even know.
DID is not all that it cracked up to be.
It a daily reminder of abuse, pain, body memories and feeling as if you don’t belong.
You look in the mirror and can’t recognize your self.
It being in years of therapy and wondering, how much longer
It is wishing that the abusers just killed you instead of living years of misery
People don’t get the heaviness of DID.
You tell someone your a system and lots of the time their faces light up.
What the hell, why would someone get a twinkle in their eyes?
I wish for a minute I can take a break from my entire body. Live in a body that is not constantly tight, hurting,stiff, be able to fall asleep and not toss and turn.
Fighting a battle daily, trying to live like a “normal “ person. But just the simple life stressors makes it feel like I am climbing up a steep mountain, with no oxygen to breathe. Slowly suffocating.
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
Functionally depressed
Got to work each day
Do what everyone wants you to do
Say the things they want you to say
Just to make it through another day
Mask so good even a clown can’t tell
You blend in so well
That you wonder, who are the clients and who is the worker
Living life as a functionally depressed person
Wake up each day
Take a shower and get dressed
You don’t want anyone to know
That while you lay in bed at night
You beg God to take your last breath
Walk to the kitchen
Get a glass of water
It easier to swallow a handful of aka pills
That’s supposed to help
Make you feel better
People ask “how are you?
It almost like a song on repeat
You can spit it out so easily
I’m good, I am ok, I had a great weekend
When really you have fallen
Functionally depressed
Gets what you need done
Paid the bills, food in freezer
Make plans and keep playing the game of life
But inside you are hoping
Someone will break in and end it all
Functionally depressed
Where you take the fun
And you just Run
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
Demons
To the demons that haunt me
Do you every take a break
Or is it a rotating door
Turning up the heat
Than shutting it off
To the Demons that haunt me
Why?
Why do you insist of torturing me
Memories, flashbacks, shame and guilt
To the demons that haunt me
What can I do to get rid of you?
Is it to take my life
Like you insist
Does it really bring peace
How do I trust you?
Your torment me here
How do I know I won’t be tormenting in the after life
To the demons that haunt me
I can’t take much more
Please have mercy on me
I try to ignore you
Tell you to odd
Ask God to “save” me
To the demons that haunt me
Please let me sleep
Let me rest
Stop body slamming me
I am confused I hate to believe
To the demons that haunt me
Let me breathe
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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Stella Andrews Poem
Dear God
What more do
you want from me
the Brain You
gave me wants
me dead
Dear God
I dont Know
What more to do
I'm tired
I don’t have it
In me anymore
Dear God
Please just take me
Bring me home
I can’t take
The pain anymore
Dear God
Do you even
Exist
I don’t know any more
I don’t feel you
Like I use to
Dear God
I’m tired
I can’t fight anymore
Please if you exist
Just take me home
I don’t want to breath anymore
Dear God
Release me please
Sign
The torture soul
Copyright © Stella Andrews | Year Posted 2024
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