Shut Out
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The fact that you shut me out is real, I can't help but express the pain and loss I feel, my eyes are sometimes glassy to reveal, that my heart will never truly or completely heal. Not as good as the rest, but still I tried my best for real.
I try to listen to your words,
find the meaning in your ruse,
I speak in poetry, you speak in riddles,
leaving me without a single clue.
Your anger strikes against me,
your words a fist against my flesh,
and I am somehow still standing,
a question mark imprinted on my chest.
Your anger rises quickly,
I don't listen to what you say,
truthfully I don't understand,
you scream for me to go away.
I am holding my heart out darling,
you push me behind your walls,
now I'm staring at the steel,
wondering how to make them fall.
The truth I see in your eyes
Deep down in your soul
The truth you don't show anyone
Not even me
The anger that fills up inside you
I don't understand
It explodes at me with all its might
It hurts it crushes it takes a piece of me
I wish you'd let me in
Instead you shut me out
Sometimes i just want to shut it all out.The noise.the pain.Sometimes i even want to shut out the silence.
I imagine myself as a mute woman and at times I wonder if i couldnt speak would they find me interesting to talk to.Would they want to know me and learn to sign or would they just belittle me pretend i didnt walk by and sign hi.
If i walked in a crooked way and shook your hand with crooked fingers would you be frightened or see past what time has done to me.
If i was all these things would you even acknowledge my existence
well i am not the mute woman who you may not sign back to and i am not the crooked woman who you show blind fear to
I am the woman with the plain white t shirt and khaki jeans who you do not say hi to wether i should sign shout or smile and wave.
I am a woman with no crooked walk and no crooked fingers yet you show fear to someone who appears meek and humble.
I live among you yet you dont acknowledge that i exist as your equal.And yet the only thing wrong with me is sometimes i want to shut it all out.The noise the pain sometimes i even want to shut out the silence.all because of you.
October 19, 2012
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She refuses to speak, to answer me
Her silence thicker than molasses- I hate it
Until now I never truly felt so alone
That was- until she shut me out
The silence- I can no longer stand
Out of sight and out of mind
Upon this cruel night
I wish for you
to return to me my friend
Please....
This silence I can no longer stand
He looks so forlorn
Always reading, always, now
Rarely looking up
In his night reaching
He skims over my surface
Touching what he wants
Protecting my heart
I curl up, hiding again
He begs to come in
I want the feelings
They are no where to be found
Tucked into corners