He stands 11inches tall,
his eyes are black as coal!
He wears an enigmatic smile,
and he has no heart or soul!
His given name is "Sawyer",
but, I decided, that don't fit!
So, I'm gonna call him "Roscoe",
don't know why, I must admit!
He has his limitations,
of that I'm well aware!
He's not a human being,
he's just a little Teddy Bear!
He gives the room a touch of class,
sitting on my bed.
Though he can't speak or wink an eye
or even turn his head!
He's "cuter than a button",
as I once heard someone say.
All he does is sit there,
but, he brightens up my day!
Folks are gonna think I'm strange,
that my banjo has no strings!
That I'm a few beers short of a six pack
and other ignominious things!
But, that don't make no nevermind,
Roscoes here to stay!
He's my fluffy, little, compadre
And that's all I have say!
Ralph Taylor
12/22/2017
Roscoe Gets a Shock
By Elton Camp
Roscoe is zealous for his rights
To assure ’em he willingly fights
That his conscience be respected
Is absolutely a right to be protected
To his legislator he did say
“I won’t do business with a gay”
“Now pass a law to that effect
If my vote again you ever expect”
In his state, Roscoe gladly saw
Discrimination enacted into law
But a Muslin man who ran a store
Said, “Christians come here no more”
But that, the good Roscoe did hate
“How dare he be let to discriminate”
Rights that for himself he claimed
In others, he indignantly defamed
Roscoe And His Ex
By Elton Camp
Years later, it still did vex
The wrongs done by his ex
After she’d taken all his dough
With another, away she did go
His car she drove away, too
That they wed, Roscoe did rue
It nearly drove him wild
When she had a little child
Another wife he couldn’t get
He was still paying off her debt
Since she left him up the creek
Revenge Roscoe decided to seek
A present for her kid he did get
It was a big, beautiful drum set
He could then call out, “Hooray”
For his evil ex Roscoe did repay
Roscoe Feeds the Birds
By Elton Camp
Roscoe enjoys spreading bird seed
To give pigeons the food they need
To his favorite bench they fly
When they see him passing by
He tosses the seed upon the ground
While a flock gathers all around
One day, the birds seemed strange
In appearance there’d been a change
For no pigeons clamored near
Vultures! Old Roscoe did fear
About the seed they didn’t care
Which gave Roscoe quite a scare
Roscoe decided that he better not
Stay very long in the same spot
Roscoe Had Too Much to Drink
By Elton Camp
Roscoe drank so much that he felt unsteady
To drive home in his car, he just wasn't ready
"If I should get caught by the town police again,
The case, with the judge, I'll never hope to win."
So he left his car parked out back of the saloon
Roscoe was headed home on a bus very soon
It was good he did, for down the road a mile
Cop reaction at a roadblock made him smile
They were looking for people drunk it's true
But the large bus they simply waved through
At home, his wife met him angrily at the door
"Shame! You've been drunk like this before."
"This time I came by bus instead of our car.
To risk wrecking it again would be bizarre."
"I don't think that you have a right to fuss.
But I admit I don't recall stealing that bus."
Roscoe Learns Not to Cheat His Uncle
By Elton Camp
It’s been years since Roscoe income tax has paid
As a man who is self-employed, he had it made
From many of his clients, it was cash he demanded
He felt not reporting it smart, even if underhanded
“The government just wastes most that they get.
They are not going to miss mine, not even a bit.”
To cheat like that seemed just right in his eyes
“Why, because I work, should I be penalized?”
About his smart scheme, Roscoe liked to tell
And encouraged others to do that way as well
A man who worked for salary heard his bragging
Notified the IRS that on tax Roscoe was lagging
When Roscoe got the audit notice, it was a shock
All the neighbors could hear his bony knees knock
For the next five years, no return he had to file
For he went to prison following his evasion trial