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The Art of Blaming You
i wonder if my sister is aware
she’s the reason i lost my muchness
it’s like i don’t want to be loud anymore
i want to be like a whisper
or a gust of wind
i want to be quiet and go unnoticed
so bad that i tip toe
and hold my breath
maybe because i approached it all wrong as a kid i lost my will to live the life
i never got to lead
is it possible to lose your identity
before it’s developed
like it’s some kind of original sin?
is it okay
to mourn the loud, artsy, confident person
that i could’ve grown up to be?
and although it might not be your fault,
i owe it to her
to give you the guilt
because one grave and one gun
tell the story
of a killing that went untold
maybe i was right
to become less
maybe polka dots in ladybug patterns
and pink rain boots
won’t prepare me for the real world
but will crop tops and make up
make such a vast difference
that she had to strip me
from that little kid’s clothes?
and maybe i did talk too much
but have you thought
that maybe you just listened too little?
and for some reason you don’t know my worth
until my lips are coated in glitter
but how can i catch up
when you also get older each year?
if im smart
and kind
and funny
you’re just everything that i had to miss
and i understand that you’re hurting,
but can’t you see
im hurting too?
the difference is
that you tried to kill me
while i tried to mourn you
Copyright ©
Adriana Hernandez Diaz
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