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Horrid night terrors
Horrid night terrors invaded my dreams awakening me shattered thoughts tampering with my emotional state again while reliving the heinousness of a senseless arson murder of 9 persons the season for murder my murder my stalker she arrives with her gunman to end my life over my American poetry she yells kill her she a rat this is the anniversary of my own assassination my heart pounding angst unrest at best there am I panting in your midst changing positions tossing body pillows hearing voices from fbi agents feeling the female agent install wires on my unborn child seeking solace the fetus moves I see a knee roll across my tummy as I ask can you hear the baby heart beating on your listening device can you tell the difference between the fetus heart and mine she grimace do you think the sound waves is harming the baby no I don't think so do you have kids no not me I'm not like you he does she gesture to the fbi supervisor he has a lot like you I sighed he had 5 children a big family my kids road in the backseat with him singing my girl relieved I felt they were safe as I entered hostage situations loud voices chaos sweat the fan blowing walkie talkies blaring junk sick corrupt officers pacing the floor I'm so scared but I cannot show any sign of fear or I'm dead the junkie cops is sweating holding a gun demand I try the product or I'm not leaving the building the voice on the walkie talkie yells you have feds in the building nobody leaves he says no we good looking straight at me are you 5.0 meaning a narc a rat I shake my head no my heart beating like an African drum a slave captured no sir he says you know what time it is I have to know you are not a rat I didn't realize the gang leaders selling drugs had junk sick cops working security details trading riot gear to stand off with the fbi with my pregnant body inside wearing colorful wires red yellow green blue white for ground I felt like a suicide bomber carrying secrets data to explode at any moment I'm sweating I hate this horrid memory it reaches for my soul in MY sleep awakening me fear panic these corrupt junk sick officers beckoning my death they wouldn't let me leave gun in my mouth my lip bleeding trembling I hear the children on the walking talkie singing my girl with the fbi supervisor my heart is like thunder my eyes as big as the sun show no fear this doesn't feel like America it feels like Ankara or Syria I'm alive I began to tap my wedding band on the bed frame wake up agent Braun wake up my alarm sounds I open my eyes is that you Jesus just another horrid night terrors unfolding still panting breathing suffering severe anxiety reaching for clonazapam who am I why I AM AMERICAN I SURVIVED BEING A CONFIDENTIAL HUMAN SOURCE IN A HORRID HOSTAGE SITUATION
USA
YOU'RE SAFE AGENT BRAUN YOU'RE SAFE NOW HONEY
Copyright ©
Yolanda Nicholsen
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