Long Agoraphobic Poems
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Technology's
necessity, without it
we would die, it's
fascinating really
how computers run
our lives,
the tapping of the
keyboard and the
clicking of the
mouse, it's gotten
so that folks don't
even have to leave
the house.
The world's right at
our fingertips and
there's no way
around, the fact that
all you need is just
a debit card
account,
to pay for what you
wish, your items
may get freely
shipped, you may
get really gipped
but I aint really
sayin spit,
I'll change it up a
bit, now ev'rybody
lose your mind, I
don't mean goin
crazy just expand it
and refine,
imagine you're
agoraphobic,
scared to go
outside, computers
then present a
slight resemblance
of a life.
The script rotates
with ease I flip it 45
degrees, you got
the shady ones out
there that steal
identities,
bring fam'lies to
their knees,
absconding quick
with 50 Gs, a scam
that's ran leaves
both the check and
save accounts on E
(mpty).
They're also in the
mobile phones,
there're no more
phones at home, no
cordless in the
kitchen only touch
screen mobile
tones,
that come with
email, news and
weather packaged
up in foam,
remember when we
knew our peoples'
numbers from the
dome?
I stand up self
admittedly
absorbed in techno-
lust, it's fright'ning if
you ponder, it could
all end with a touch,
of just a button,
maybe 2, a maze of
82, Verizon's the
horizon so we're
really praising who?
The media in print
is by the wayside,
take a look, we'll
move a cursor but
won't flip the pages
in a book,
on that aspect I'm
old school up unitl I
d-i-e, you'll always
find a paper or a
hardback right by
me.
The future's in the
hands of those who
strive to make it
more, than being
slaves to
microchips like
Terminator 4,
there will be no
salvation when the
Ipads mess us up,
Steve Jobs (R.I.P.)
is worshipped more
than God, beware of
techno-lust.
Technology's necessity, without it we would die, it's
fascinating really how computers run our lives,
the tapping of the keyboard and the clicking of the
mouse, it's gotten so that folks don't even have to
leave the house.
The world's right at our fingertips and there's no way
around, the fact that all you need is just a debit card
account,
to pay for what you wish, your items may get freely
shipped, you may get really gipped but I aint really
sayin spit,
I'll change it up a bit, now ev'rybody lose your mind, I
don't mean goin crazy just expand it and refine,
imagine you're agoraphobic, scared to go outside,
computers then present a slight resemblance of a
life.
The script rotates with ease I flip it 45 degrees, you
got the shady ones out there that steal identities,
bring fam'lies to their knees, absconding quick with
50 Gs, a scam that's ran leaves both the check and
save stash hittin E.
They're also in the mobile phones, there're no more
phones at home, no cordless in the kitchen only
touch screen mobile tones,
that come with email, news and weather packaged
up in foam, remember when we knew our peoples'
numbers from the dome?
I stand up self admittedly absorbed in techno-lust,
it's fright'ning if you ponder, it could all end with a
touch,
of just a button, maybe 2, a maze of 82, Verizon's the
horizon so we're really praising who?
The media in print is by the wayside, take a look,
we'll move a cursor but won't flip the pages in a book,
on that aspect I'm old school up unitl I d-i-e, you'll
always find a paper or a hardback right by me.
The future's in the hands of those who strive to make
it more, than being slaves to microchips like
Terminator 4,
there will be no salvation when the Ipads mess us
up, Steve Jobs is worshipped more than God,
beware of techno-lust.
Well I'm a bit agoraphobic so I stay at home for my aerobics but it's not good for my dome to play alone in a silence cone so I faced my fear but that outpaced my cheer since I also chased my fear of flying which induced my fear of dying, so my aerophobia produced my necrophobia and in rolled the storm which truth be told isn't out of norm but in regular form here I am seeing strobic lightning while I'm fleeing in astraphobic frenzy frightening so much so I hid inside a cupboard and cried until my eyes were blurred but then a thought occurred that's not absurd but I began to feel microbic since I am real claustrophobic so back outside toward the trees but dendrophobia brought me to my knees so eyes squeeze shut, to ease my queasy gut and I stand uneasy only to fall to my butt and manage to fall into a hole so not only am I trypophobic but in there with me is a roe buck brought up my elafiphobia and I snuck out but he fought out and caught up in the muck and folks, he was a big one so as he reared up guess what flared up, major megalophobia spell and I beg ya, you have no idea, hell, the worst of it all was this curse not so small, not even racing, buck chasing, out of control, falling in holes, making blunders during thunder, wish I could shrink down to a mouse and be back in my little house as the worst of the worst, bubble burst, first on this wicked list of these hard to say, wish they'd go away, overdrawn, ridiculously LONG named phobias, is Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, iconically ironic cruel kind of jewel, fit for this hypochondriac fool.
My head won't stop! It's going to pop,
Trying to figure out what's right & what's not
I want him to have a perfect life,
Perfect woman, perfect wife
He choose me to be her, not someone else or some other!
But I'm scared I can't be what he deserves
I'm an agoraphobic pyscho, no backbone, no nerves!
I can't even leave past the front door, he needs someone else that can give him his wants & more
I've let him down so many times, stuck in this prison I call my mind! He wants out, I want in, no dates, no days out, no meals nothing
How can happiness be made without these things
I hate to talk to anyone, I could just sit silent for all the time to come
But surely he can't survive like that, explaining his fiancé is a gutless ****!!
I've tried so hard to push it away, to go out my comfort zone at least once a day
But the voices inside me have made it too hard, to even think of outside nearly stops my heart
I wish I could be the me that I was, the me who was strong, the me who was boss!!!
But that person has faded away, she hides in the places I can't find every day, she hides from me and everyone else, she hides from reality and stays by herself!
How much more can my boys take? Watching me bend, then seeing me break, how much more can I put them through, knowing it hurts me but must kill you, watching defenceless as I self implode knowing if you try to help I will explode!!!! I'm sorry to you all for being me, I wish I wasn't, I wish you all were free, I know your love is what keeps you here, I wish It didn't, I wish you were free!!!!!!!
Can happily ever after truly ever exist
Where we live in a world that looks like this
Where we live in a society that favours division
Because how can one truly be happy
In a world that excludes and is racist
How can one have hope this will happen
Especially when you're black It's not something we get to imagine
Why get your hopes up, when there was never any hope to begin with?
We never even get to dream
For our existence is a constant struggle
Where the media leaves us agoraphobic
Where we become a target in the eye of the public
And our feelings are invalidated
To the point where silence become our best friend
Trapped in a cage of hatred
Locked in a cell of a mind Indoctrinated by the noise of outside mistreatment
How can we have a happily ever after
When we don't know what that is
When throughout history
The only ending we've ever had
Is misery, pain and slave labour
And it hasn't even gotten any better
And the only dream life we have ever wanted was a life of equality and freedom
But instead our 'happily ever after' is being allowed to live and even then its not a sure thing
So can happily ever after truly ever exist
When we live in a system
That favours white and punishes black
Or to reframe the question
Can happily ever after exist
For a black person?
Forgive my thoughts unstoppable
Feeling wrong is natural as bone
Don't overthink the morning with doubt
The voice of God is in shameful thoughts
Forgive packing oily lunch for my son
Accept the dreaded work familiar
Sit down in the corner when it’s done
The sinful little things are exhausting
Accept rather than control who I am
But acceptance without change is hard
Accept I’m guilty down to my DNA
Must I embrace this strange redemption?
My son has left his home for another
Start smoking when the house empties
My sins return to me with every inhale
Trust doubting is as natural as cancer
I’m a failed agoraphobic father
Lessons learned are re-cleansed on repeat
See my shortcomings through a child’s eye
Faltering is natural to a crippled mind
My guilt mocks me reaching for forgiveness
Says I have two left feet while others dance
God reminds me embarrassment has no shame
Rescue is patient even for the handicapped
***
Psalms 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Humble,
Rudimentary,
Comfortable clutter to abate fears of agoraphobic stumbles,
A 4x4 white-washed landscape provides the perfect artistic study.
Claustrophobic,
Artificial,
The clean floors become lava so I've practiced my aerobics,
Ugh my artistic inspiration is siphoned by this unfortunately accurate description, an obstinate mockery of my work, look at it sitting there all pompous yet still so superficial.
Blank canvas,
Infinite utensils,
Every little "mess" perfectly fills settles in its stanza,
Of graceful brushstrokes and triumphant crescendos to form my easel.
Insufferable antithesis,
Genocidal doctrine,
Insidiously contagious and unbearably loquacious,
Infecting homes content in their mediocrity and ensembles' sheik rebellious fashion.
A standoff at high noon,
Between libertarian creativity and authoritarian germophobia,
Both sides claiming a fair fight between equal rivals yet they both undermine each other through sabotage and flaunt their charm like geisha,
Who shall I choose?
Eh, I'll figure it out in the morning.
with deep chartreuse eyes
big & peering through the crowd
assembled against her will
at her family’s home
she slowly makes it through
with arms folded & gripping herself
but the first attack is what sends them back &
it comes on like a tornado
hurdling over the plains, off in the distance,
and then as if without warning
tearing through her consciousness,
destroying all remnants of the immediate moment.
so she turns & runs back to the first room that she finds empty
locking the door behind her,
screaming to herself,
rocking backwards & forwards
wanting the comfort of her own dwelling
wanting to never leave again.
her breathing quickens,
she gasps & gasps
as if climbing to the surface of a lake in the winter
whose ice she has fallen through,
yet though she can see the sun through the translucent barrier,
she has not the strength to break the ice &
her heart is beating so fast
she feels as if it is going to explode in her chest.
rocking back & forth
rocking back & forth
whimpering & wishing she was back in her home
alone,
comfortable & safe.
I awoke in a half dead state.
Senses crippled with no thoughts.
I lay alone, in an empty space.
The nothingness lasts until I peel open my eyes.
Without warning bursts of light pierce my soul as the colours in my world overflow.
That empty state was live and new, a brilliant sight that slowly grew.
I throw open my door, and my senses are assaulted with life.
A spectrum of sounds and a swirl of smells collide.
I can feel the world, as I stand in my doorway.
A bleak existence that now has meaning.
I can feel.
The warmth of the sun beats down.
The gentle touch of the wind exhilarates me.
I am lost in time, with no need to find my way.
I can see the leaves on the trees flitter.
The windows of the cars flicker with reflected light.
I dare myself, and close my eyes, leaving the beautiful sensations.
All I can do is breath, and now I feel alive.
I fall back, and land on the grass.
With eyes closed I feel the hundreds of blades, fresh, and new.
I can feel, and I am alive.
Alex Gladu
A Feeling of Hope
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. The word is love.
Sophocles, Greek Poet
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tanked temps pools inky smears ere striking lights,
nightstand shelved as bed post warming invites,
facade postpones ceiling beams gold strike streaks,
soleless soul flits swarming countenance cheeks,
dance preps off-Broadway show and a bit more,
mirror laughs hushed, smiles aloud, assured score.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hogwarts seedbed on windows, one attends,
self-mocked reflect face, sees the village ends,
pressed off, Hogwarts seedbed--windows, returns,
swings, tick, chime, digital, sands, time-take-turns,
midday passes, pinks-whites-brown creamy melts,
boredom still on, chips and pops up, rain pelts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ain't an, Acro..., Aero..., Aquaphobic,
Where is love? Heal this ... Agoraphobic.