Crabby morning
He looked down into the toilet bowl
had shat and flushed, 80-year-old going to waste
down a drain and into the sea.
70 years ago when he lived on a farm human and
Animal waste was used as a fertiliser the waste had
been useful potatoes grew big as did cabbages.
He had read the Chines collected stuff dried it and
Made it into powder and sold for strawberry farmers.
He had a shower and shaved, used proper blades
no electric shaver for him, he hadn`t drunk coffee
yet and was cranky.
Hey everyone... do you know what time it is!!!
It's time for The Jester Jack Comedy Hour
Brought to you by "Hair Today... Gone Tomorrow!"
The makers of fine electric shavers
Now I know what you're thinking, I have a beard
Why would I need an electric shaver
Well, I have very hairy arms and legs
A massive hairy chest and arm holes
As well as very bushy eyebrows and ear holes!
Now on to the show... have you heard this one
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
Give up???... A STICK!
Got a million of 'em
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
Dum de um dum!
More? Okay...
Do not argue with an idiot... he will drag you down to his level
Then beat you with experience!
Here's another... graveyard workers really dig their jobs
A real groaner!
Da de da de da da... da de da de da da
Well that's all the time we have folks!
So be sure to tune in next time
To The Jester Jack Comedy Hour!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Since time immemorial, or so I've heared,
Mankind has struggled to tame his beard.
Was it Adam who imposed upon us this atrocious curse?
(I reckon I could sport a beard but to that I am averse.)
I've scraped and nicked my mug fer nigh on four-score years,
So I will share my shaving experience to educate my peers.
First, splash a generous supply of soapy water on yer kisser,
So as to arouse the attention of each and every whisker.
Apply a liberal amount of Burma Shave to ease the stress,
When with that wicked razor blade yer jowls you do caress.
Twist yer schnoz at an acute angle in order to shave below the nose,
Taking care not to nick yer double chins and any problems that may pose.
Once this onerous task is done, use toilet tissue to heal the bloody nicks,
Then apply a liberal amount of Old Spice to really impress the chicks!
(I must confess that I use an electric shaver to mow my intractable stubble.
'Tis so much smoother on my leathery hide and sure is a lot less trouble!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
A single word is branded into the fresh snow in urine.
'Memoriam'
Over the crest of a barren hill covered in winter's dowry,
there is a brown form huddled over a burning tire,
shivering alone.
Curse this thing and the roundabout landscape he formed not in oils or watercolors,
but in reality
curse him.
He sketches himself so clever amongst all creatures
so chivalric
so noble and wise.
but there is no electric shaver here
no Ipod or toilet paper.
one would imagine he has not long to live.
Wait.
Wait just a minute now,
he has fashioned a sling, to hunt I presume.
Now a spear, how quaint.
And now he has a rifle.
And where does this glorious quest for fire lead?
It hardly matters.
Here he breathes and kills and breeds, here but for the gods themselves to see...
A broken man,
last child bred of a split isotope.