Frankly, Frank felt foolish forking fourteen francs for frozen frankfurters.
I hurt him.
The one person I vowed to never hurt again.
The one person I was actually healing our friendship with.
I hurt him.
Again.
I was honest with my feelings,
on how I still loved him
but didn't wanna ruin what we had.
It hurt him.
He didn't talk to me.
He looked at me as if things were awkward again.
I made him feel like crap,
I know I did.
I feel like effing crap
because I made him feel that way..
I ruined everything..again..
I'm a eff up of a human being..
I don't deserve happiness,
I don't deserve love..
I'm a horrible person..
And a horrible person never deserves the good in life..
Does the pursuit of happiness end when you finally reach what you've been pursuing for so long?
When you achieve the happiness for which you've fought so hard.
When you look at the cards you're dealt and think, "Why this card?"
Maybe this was meant to be, can't you see the message of happiness that resides within me?
I must not forget that this was never meant to be temporary, but God given to be permanently a part of me.
Happiness is a virtue, and eff, I miss you.
Depression is a demon and a mean one.
I want to be ordinary, to have that slice of normalcy.
I want peace, from all the struggles, I seek release.
I want nothing more than to be free.
Let me be happy, please!
And that moment God said let it be!
He showed me the way, a happiness that is here to stay.
I'm tired of the take and take, I have to remember what's at stake.
No more life filled with hate, I need a clean slate.
I'm ready to pursue what's true.
The art of being truly happy.
This is really me.
Thank you for the memories and thank you God for creating this new me.
I'm blassed and grateful to be everything I am destined to be.
My worth is
To not live as addict anymore.
I've held on so tightly,
Let the pain end,
So the hope can begin again.
Let me sweet son know his momma's love,
No more distance,
No more fear
from my self induced messes.
Let my wee one know
And feel that
His momma is sorry.
I'm worth more than;
stolen happiness, abuse and fears.
He couldn't steal my light,
He couldn't steal my son's sunshine.
No man can steal my happiness,
Ever again.
Twin flame,
Go eff yourself,
Let you candle flame
Flicker and dwindle
As your intensity over me dies.
I forgive you from the trauma,
But I will never forget.
Thank you for the life lessons,
Now let me go
You treacherous bastard,
so this mother can live.
I feel myself faltering,
Slowly slipping,
The facade is falling.
I suck at pretending
To be okay,
When I want to give up.
I feel like an eff up.
I can’t afford to fail.
I’ve got too much to lose,
To throw in the towel now.
I am strong,
Relapses do not define me.
I can still shoot for sobriety,
Save me a seat to the show.
I just had to rewind a little,
I’m not done yet,
My journey continues on,
Because I can overcome
This and anything.
Let recovery win,
Wake up,
me.
Eff around
And find out.
Freedom don’t come easy.
The steel bar resort
Ain’t no place to be,.
But, eff if I know,
I ain’t ever been to jail.
Should have been,
But I got lucky.
Toothpaste on the walls,
To hold up the memories.
Watch how you talk,
Or it’ll be your back against the wall
And you’ll be just someone’s memory.
One hour outdoors,
Privilege ain’t easy,
It’s the first to go when you get thrown in iso.
Phone calls,
No go.
Letter are your only plug
To the outside world.
They’ll forget about you,
Might as well let go.
Nah, bro,
Family is forever,
Only friends come and go.
Just kidding,
When you’re a woman beater,
You’re left with no one
To showe for.
Rot. In. Hell. Bro.
Eff this and eff you,
And eff that horse you rode in on too,
The way you speak to me,
Is definatly uncalled for you see,
My tone can sometimes seem a bit rough,
I seem a bit cocky all actin' tough,
As your girl I should get respect,
Instead I only feel like a reject,
You said, "my queen" and I could dig it,
Other names you've given that I'd omit,
I do not treat you as a lesser,
So why are you such a suppressor,
We should be equal you and me,
Treat me well ill forever be your devotee,
Continue this way and you'll see me run,
Because I feel no love and its not any fun!
2.8.21
A large building burns,
black-clad thugs dance around it,
reporter stands in front of flames
claims they are ‘peaceful’ protestors.
A courthouse surrounded,
lasers used to blind officers,
fireworks shot at building,
media claims they’re ‘peaceful’ protestors.
City-blocks ruled by thugs,
terrorized citizens watch children shot,
mayor sides with the traitors,
claims they’re only ‘peaceful’ protestors.
State democract congressman attacked
outside of the capital itself,
the news downplays it still,
claims they’re only ‘peaceful’ protestors.
Women driving home on her car,
surrounded by ‘protestors’ with clubs, guns,
they attack her car, smash her windshield,;
fears for her life, she hits the gas to escape,
thugs are hurt, media claims, ‘Right-wing extremist! Nazi’
…?
…!
Eff these lefties. They stopped being ‘protestors’ a long time ago. Lock
them all up.
They eff you up, your Mum and Dad,
At least that's what we're told,
All your Dad's genes are hand-me-downs,
Your anger, spawn of old,
It's not your fault you can't fly straight,
it's not your fault you fail.
I'll blame it on my Ma and Pa,
It's the reason I travail,
I've got no money - oh screw you Mum! - Why wasn't I brought up wealthy?
I smoke ten a day - oh screw you Dad! -Feel guilt 'cos I'm not healthy.
I've broke up with my seventh wife, It seems I can't commit,
I no longer see my children, WHY CAN'T YOU DO YOUR BIT?
I sit here in my bedsit, my doorbell never rung,
Nobody wants to speak to me, I was curbed when I was young,
They eff you up, your Mum and Dad, the pain is all their fault,
I blame it on your DNA, the reason I assault.
I loop the rope up to the roof, the noose rests on my knee,
And then a flash of clarity - it wasn't you, it's me!
So sorry Mum, and sorry, Dad, It's my fault that I'm done,
Your better off without me, but I'm glad I was your son.
They say keep fighting
All these wrongs that I've been righting
What's left, left in these writings
In the dark looking for lighting
They say keep fighting
A war which there's no winning
The boundaries are only thinning
I was love in the beginning
They say keep fighting
I don't feel!
Like a paraplegic
I fed my love to bulimics
It hardened me, made me strategic
But I say keep loving
Not everyone will be deserving
Paradoxical when you're hurting
But even seeds grow after buried.
I say keep loving
I know it's a haystack but be a needle
Love of self and another's equal
Hurt people just hurt people
So we need to keep living
I put a halo on you like a blessing
Sentenced myself from the lesson
Forgot love and was regressing.
No! I need to keep loving!
My wall encloses my enemy
Avoiding pain is what kills me
My account of death resurrects me
To love is to start living
We idolize Netflix and chilling
We say "Eff love" and it's soul killing
Because we’re love but we stopped giving
To live is to start loving
This morning while sucking a morning cig,
I heard a ruffling in the leaves,
And looked to see a cat holding a twig,
With one paw, while the other licked its sleaves.
I looked at it and it looked at me,
And I was like "Hey what the eff are you doing?"
To which the cat responded and peed,
"Lookin' for a spot where I'll be pooing."
"Get lost!" I said to the freakish cat,
"Don't you do that in a box?"
To which he retorted with fodder's splat:
"I guess I'm unorthodox."
The cat was still holding that tiny stick,
That cat must have had some thumbs,
And I said "What, is the stick for a magic trick?"
And then he called me "Human scum."
Still not knowing what was up with the branch,
The creepy cat held with his right paw,
I thought "Send this creepy ass cat to the ranch,"
And then the cat began to look at me with awe.
It looked at me with widened eyes,
So I asked "What are you looking at?"
To which he responded with eyes full-sized:
"Not much."
ANXIETIES
You shouldn’t judge me, I’m few and far between.
Don’t sit there judging, inside my head is unseen.
I may stand in silence, but I take it all in.
Our worlds aren’t so different, we live it in sin.
There’s masses of voices, ones that keep me quiet.
Inside we’re not different, so don’t imply it!
Maybe you sense, that I don’t belong
If you got to know me, you’ll be proven wrong.
I try to be communal, but I have slow social growth.
I feel my life is infertile, this life that I loathe.
'Get yourself out', that’s what people say.
'Meet other people, get your nerves out the way'.
But when the time comes, for me to get out.
I converse in my head, give myself doubt.
You say that I’m keeping my-self isolated,
But this world is so cruel, and my views get slated.
You call me bitter, and it gets me frustrated.
So I will keep my silence, leave you uneducated
I want to get out, and join society,
I want to scream out loud, EFF YOU ANXIETY!
RUNAWAY
They do not even care, for them
I am not even there, they just walk on
And I don't want their eyes on me
Don't want to see their disgust
It's just.....
If they don't know I am there
Then am I where?
Eff all they know why I am here
Nothing I fear more than what I ran from
So, finger to you, just hand me coins
And I will find a place to sleep
To keep me dry and warm
It's just.....
My mom, sometimes i could be in her arms
When I was me.
They use me and give me some bills
They throw me cigs and booze
I snooze part of the day away
And hope that I won't think
It's just
I feel that I will sink if no one
No one ever sees I'm here
Steve works in a call center
to earn an honest bob
but some days he can't believe
the words that flow from some folks gob
They cus and curse
Then eff and blind -
you'd not believe your ears
and if he wasn't made of sterner stuff
he'd leave the room in tears!
I said to him when folks are rude
to remember the golden rule
Just imagine them sitting in the nude
that way you'll keep your cool!
So when they rant and scream and shout
He thinks of his meager pay
but still tries his best to sort them out
and ends the call with 'have a nice day'!
Posted with the kind permission of Stephen Pennell
10~16~16
Such an auditive roof
Like pots and pans escaping
So put a Blues over it, maybe
Cee eff or gee it,
Worse than getting
Years ago,in the playground
Smacked in the gob
By Trudy with
Hair like a nautical cable,
The parting;
You explode like a bombed bouquet
And fall into the platform
Down the silver stairs
And if this
Breaks me like a fallen cup
Then for God`s sake
This is more than I need
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