Best Colonoscopy Poems

I stepped in for my first colonoscopy. I was nervous everyone could see
I had a choice to be awake or put out if I was skittish...but no not me

I chose the former so I could watch my own ass on TV
They go right up your...

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I went to the hospital and they said they were going to shove a camera up my ass.
I told them that I didn't want that to happen, I told them that I was going to pass.
But they said it was too late because I'd already...

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Not sure if this would be consider taboo
To even mention the view
Did I just hear her say the word touche 
When the doctor proceeded to do what she had to do

With stage crew and camara in hand
Filming what little dignity I have left
Are the tapes...

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After 50 -  states a well known belief
Your colon can cause you some grief.
        To get it checked is the answer
        In case there’s a cancer
With a procedure which can...

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It's time to
Test the new
The latest in
Technology

No more need
To drink over a
Gallon of foul
Liquid or any

Sorts of pills
To sort through
In fact it's 
Almost

Like a drive thru
Butt in your own
Home butt it's
A bit more

Complicated with
Software butt
What's worse
Is the hard

Drive...

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These are my people
they're not yours
or are they?

You don't want them to be
can see that
clearly...

So how come you come around?

How come your attraction is mixed with such
reticence?

Yeah, I get it that you never thought about it. And you
don't have to forever but here we are...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I grudgingly accept short lived 
lower abdominal discomfort 
analogous to reasonable...

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Tiger me growls, kicking the dog on the floor.
She yelps, giving me the “I love you no matter what” eyes.
That makes Tiger me mad, so she wakes up Trixie.
They start wrestling around, growling and biting.

Trixie is scratching her eyes out. I get to work and...

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I passed a colonoscopy
that gas was asked to free
When all about my head went dead
and smell was left to be

That all my senses cried for help
embarrassed for the cause
That every doctor bared the sound
of what was near applause

So off I went to seek my fame
and...

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Colonoscopy


Colonoscopy,
strikes dread. It’s not too bad - when
Colon trouble free.

Jules Verne-like travel,
up your ****, spelunking through
strange, pink-ridged caverns.

Hunting for the snark,
or boojum, or polyp, who
feasts, darkly, in there.

Snipety-snap - jaws,
polyp-snatch; dragging from view,
miscreant tissue.

Pathology dock -
destined. Tried in the morning,
suspected malign.

Tried.. judged innocent.
Callooh! callay! It...

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Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days before that first appointment 
with estimable gastroenterologist
Doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich
regarding...

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I have a special interest in telling about my colonoscopy.
The doc cheerful, secure in his specialty, colon cancer being
the second leading cause of cancer death after lung tumors.
They can snip the precancerous polyps right out of you during the test.
At first the doc gave me...

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