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I FEEL YOUR PRESENCE

   ‘‘Fragments and crumbs of life, 
            all the little pieces”

            John Ruskin, 1853
  
I feel Your presence, my sweet Lord
and I remember the time I was restored
by You, all the fragments and crumbs of my life,
all the little pieces put together for me to rise.

I went into a tailspin during the real estate crisis.
The devastating financial loss tore me into pieces.
I lost hope and fell into the slimy pit of self-pity,
so deep with darkness surrounding me.

My dream of retiring at sixty crumbled
and I fell apart, all my aspirations tumbled.
All of my hard earned money invested in rental
properties were gone and affected my mental
toughness to accept and handle adversities.
My dreams, aspirations turned to uncertainty.

I prayed for months to overcome my depression.
I called You for help; but all I did was to question
You, why? and expressed my doubts and anger.
I asked You why You were not answering my prayers. 

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw myself as a girl
dressed in white, at the bottom of a deep dark well.    
I tried to climb the slimy wall many times
and I fell back to the ground without any grime
of dirt on the white dress that turned so bright
in the darkness and I wished I could see a light.

Then one day, I had the television on
and heard a joyful minister rambling on
about hope and pitched “Do you keep praying
and asking why the Lord is not answering”?
And she said, “Maybe you lost hope”.
I was awakened and realized I lost hope.

I found myself praying with anticipation, expectation
of dealing and overcoming my depression.
I closed my eyes expecting to see myself,
as the girl in the white dress, anticipating myself
to eventually get my hope back and I saw the light
in the sky and toes at the rim of the pit through the light.

I started climbing the slimy pit without falling,
my gaze pinned at Your toes and I started smiling
for You squatted, reached Your hand to grasp my hand.
You put my feet back on the ground and held my hand
and we walked away from the slimy pit of self-pity.
I looked at you Lord and felt calmness in your Company. 

Thank you my Lord making me whole again.
You were the One, who put all the fragments
and crumbs of my life, all the little pieces together
for me to rise above the situation and put my life in order.

Thank you my sweet Lord for Your presence.
I always feel Your presence.

 
8/30/20        All The Little Poetry Contest      Constance La France
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