Used To

I used to always say, I would never ever, Be backslidden some day. I used to always say, That would never be me, No how, no way. I used to always say, I refuse to give up, That I was here to stay. I used to always say, That I have faith, That I could never go astray. Some would always say, Going to church sometimes, That is still okay. But it wasn’t okay for me, I got weak in faith, And I needed strength you see. I’ll go this Sunday I said, But it seemed to be much easier, To just lay out instead. I couldn’t believe that I slipped, Just fell right through the cracks, That my faith and strength was stripped. It was no one else but my fault, I just let it all go, His strength I never sought. I knew I needed to get back, But I would fight myself, And my world started to turn black. It got to where I prayed less, I stopped talking to God, And refused to think my life was a mess. I knew they could see it in my eyes, They would ask me questions, Most of them I tried to deny. Depression started to seep in, And I was given pills, And I was living a life of sin. I just got tired of the sorrow, And not for sure where I’d go, If I happen to die tomorrow. The fight for God was deep down, But I needed a new church, But one hard part was looking around. It took a scary moment one day, That turned out alright, To bring me to my knees to pray. I realized that I missed being on fire, I missed depending on God, And hearing the sweet songs of the choir. I used to pray about everything, Depending on His guidance always, To his side I would always cling. So I beat myself and went on Sunday, I felt as if he was right beside me, To the altar I had made my way. I prayed for God to hold my hand, To give me His strength, After falling, I could finally stand. The tears felt so good on my face, I was turning my life back around, Nothing had felt as good as his grace. I know that I’ve learned my lesson I never want to be where I was, Cause having God in my life is such a blessin’. I know coming back won’t be easy, Now I have another battle, Between good and evil in me. But I have my Lord to guide the way, To be a light unto my path, To help through every day.