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Supernatural

Ghouls and vampires angels and demons. The Winchesters retire satans archaic legion. Sam, the younger of the hunters, gains strength from demon blood, his crack, this cures his hunger. Dean, the older of the two his heavy fists make him a brute. Once died, became satans dude, revived, the brothers feud. Name withheld until contest is over 5/10/2010

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Just That Archaic Poet

Date: 2/18/2014 11:46:00 AM

Love the content of this piece, but your rhyme is a little jagged. In the first stanza, what about changing "archaic" to "relic"? They are close in meaning and there is one less syllable (beat) that throws off the rhyme. The second stanza I think you should play around with; in my head, I was think "Sam the younger of the hunters gains his strength from demon blood. (just as an example) Weapons crack, a lethal attack- killing foes cures his hunger". Do you see how it smooths out the rhythm? brb

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/18/2014 11:53:00 AM

CRAP! "Killing foes cures his hunger as they drop with sudden thus" (or something along those lines; just trying to give you ideas to even it out)

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/18/2014 11:53:00 AM

ARGH! *sudden THUD, not "thus". I can't type today!!!!!

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/18/2014 11:49:00 AM

lol should say *in my head I was thinking

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/18/2014 11:48:00 AM

You should really rework the third line in the last stanza; "dude" is extremely weak. Try and think of something along the lines of a minion that comes close to rhyming with "two" (I know you can do it!). Hope this has been helpful, bud :)

Carol Sunshine Brown

Date: 6/6/2012 6:52:00 AM

When I click on one of your poems I know it will be exceptional Jared. Thank you for sharing your words with us. I hope all is well with you and yours. I will stop back again soon. Love, Carol

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 3/26/2011 5:53:00 AM

Whoa.. luv don't leave me hanging like that .. what constitutes crazy? pray tell more please.. u can use my yahoo mail: petitepoetess@yahoo.com....or soukp mail though I tend not to lately... so are u 'hooked up in luv"? .. such a long time since I saw your name on my work and was thinking of u always luv.. appreciate your compliments on my poetry.. since u departed from P.S. Ron bought me a Lifetime Membership ... he appreciates ALL my talents..haha.. ya know? let me hear from u luv.OK?

Jimmy Anderson

Date: 5/27/2010 6:24:00 PM

Congrats on your win, Bro...and thnx for reading and leaving comments on my pieces...later, my friend, Jimmy

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 5/19/2010 2:54:00 PM

favorite show. Soup mail Light & love

Date: 5/16/2010 7:38:00 PM

Mr. JP, I use to watch this program and it was very good. I love your poem. It describes it perfectly. Congratulations on winning. You deserve it. Scarlett

Joyce Johnson

Date: 5/15/2010 10:31:00 PM

This is a new one to me. Never heard of it and I don't think I want to, But to each his own and you described it well. Congratualtions. Joyce

Carolyn Devonshire

Date: 5/15/2010 7:55:00 PM

Great poem, Jared. I'm wondering which network carries this show -- never saw it, but it sounds very intriguing. Congratulations on your success in the contest! Love, Carolyn

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 5/15/2010 7:49:00 PM

Congrats Jared on your success in my TV contest with this wonderful write .. luv this show myself.. its a fav.. thankxxx for your constant support..luv.. Linda-Marie..

Jimmy Anderson

Date: 5/13/2010 9:02:00 AM

Hey Jared, good lck in the contest, Bro....and thnx for leaving comments on my write...still waiting to hear from you re: collab..."The Duel"??? Know your kinda busy! Later, Jimmy

Sara Kendrick

Date: 5/12/2010 5:07:00 AM

Interesting I guess that I have not looked at this contest....Good luck..Thanks for stopping by and commenting,..Sara

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/12/2010 3:11:00 AM

well done, Jarred, nice on the contest, wishing you the best on luck, always,..p.d.

Doris Culverhouse

Date: 5/11/2010 7:34:00 PM

That sestina poem was from the frustration of trying to write a sestina. LOL I did finally get one wrote but I am not happy with it. good to hear form you.