High School Secrets and More

I spent my senior year saying I was full when all I did was discreetly place food in the napkin on my lap A bowl of corn, every other week feed my body A friend asked me once what my secret was. I told her it was called.. Golden haven. She asked me where, can she get it from. No one paid attention to the horries that settled in my memory Shea asked me to tutor him then tried to grab my behind in the hallway. I lied to my friend and told her a boy liked her when he didn’t all because I didn’t want to be the only laughing stock of the school I was given the nickname wenis, They said it meant girl with a tall weenier . The lunchroom, hallways, and even the market stores, there was no escape from this word. a boy decided he wanted to show me how to become a woman, when I refused, I was called a tease. when I cried for hours and spoke of his horrible force I was called a... liar. No one knew then how it would affect my worth. My sister wrote **** on my dresser drawer after hearing I apparently went to bed with 'some guy' she burned my poetry, said it was a shame I cared for it more than her My mother put a knife to my throat, strangled me until I passed out… when I finally came to… she was still beating me... for something.... I was inflicted with continuous punches to my face, from the one who held me in her womb. When I bleed from those blows I looked to my sister for help She looked at me and said... Don't get blood on my floor. From that day I suffer from uncontrollable spams. I spent my nights embracing the porcelain bowl Workouts went from two days a week to twice a day seven days a week I soon dropped from 175 to 145 and was told I had a models body But no one paid attention to the one meal every other three days. No one stopped to look inside the tin can lunch box and see three sticks of gum and bottled water When the coolness of the water quenched my dry boned stomach I somehow felt in control I felt....alive? The bottle said: Do not take more than six tablets in a twenty-four hour period. Do not use for more than ten days. But I fell in love with that warning label and how the blue and white pills of Tylenol PM would make me feel so high that the only escape was infinite sleep. I was in my familiar city of injured souls and fake smiles I was seeking revenge on this body Because no one cared, enough to ask if I was ok and then stick around for the answer. My secrets then and now The thought of dying still holds my day dreams Hostage.