Finding My Courage

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Written, May 07, 2024
For the contest, Pick A Line
Sponsor, John Lawless

Free Woman Desperate photo and picture

Inspiration line #4 - I Can't Believe I Thought That once when I was much younger I was living with a boyfriend the promise between us began like a delicate flower laughter and love the music of our souls he treated me so nicely saying "I love you" all the time but things changed and now I hold memories like scars on the roadmap of my life he became so cruel and insulting like a lion licking his lips demeaning me all the time in how I looked what I said . . . what I thought he was rough and had cold mean eyes I feared him and my very life and I felt trapped he told me that I was stupid and to shut up told me I was ugly and useless nobody could ever love me and I was worthless my heart hung heavily he convinced me that all these things were true I walked with my head down believing his words could not look at people . . . could only mutter until, one day I felt a spark beginning within me that became a raging fire burning bright and I had found my courage . . . I waited for him to go out one night then, ran out into the rain with no direction with the clothes I was wearing no where to go but I was free from him and I smiled I spent that night in a 24 hour coffee shop and in the morning I recall thinking I can't believe I thought that . . . all that garbage I felt like a hummingbird hovering in harmony well, I climbed out of that hole got my voice and confidence back put together an amazing life found a man who actually loved me for who I am (he had to leave for heaven but is waiting by that gate beyond the clouds) and now, today, in this moment . . . I know exactly who I am

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Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 5/7/2024 4:21:00 PM

powerful poem that's a testament to your courage and fortitude. I was similar to you when I was young...a fragile hummingbird who was easily manipulated...like you, my eyes and heart opened. That experience, though, forged me into the strong and independent one I am today. I am sad, too, that you had to experience such verbal abuse and pain. I appreciate your vulnerability and the eloquence with which you spoke of your past. A huge round of applause for you! Best wishes with the contest, Sara

Constance La France
Date: 5/10/2024 7:25:00 AM

Sara, thank you for the compassion and wonderful comment, compliment and for the encouragement. I left with nothing but my life and that was everything, hugs

Ink Empress

Date: 5/7/2024 12:08:00 PM

Gosh im so sorry you had to go through that Dear Constance, its never easy forgetting some of the pain that people we placed our trust in caused us.. while also this remains as an emotive write, i absolutely love the alliterations flowing throughout and how you’ve phrased your emotions in such eloquence! Impeccable write that really is so sincere and moving! You are such a strong soul! Sending you light always. Best wishes for the contest

Constance La France
Date: 5/10/2024 7:27:00 AM

Ink, thank you for your understanding, I was young at that time and easily, and thank you for the compliment on my writing and the encouragement, hugs

Lin Lane

Date: 5/7/2024 10:37:00 AM

Constance, knowing your past, I don't doubt the courage you've had to find in dealing with so many tragedies in your life. To me, you are a delicate flower, but not a fragile one whose petals fell with grief, nor your stem bend in the wind. Your tears have nurtured you and given you strength. I'm glad you're here to bolster any of us who need a role model for courage.

Constance La France
Date: 5/10/2024 7:30:00 AM

Lin, thank you for your comforting words, if a poet must have suffered to be a good poet (as the saying goes) Well, I think that is true because I take that pain and suffering to create poems with it, and pray that my words help another person, hugs

Jan Allison

Date: 5/7/2024 10:02:00 AM

Oh gee Constance I have tears reading this on so many levels its heartbreaking. It takes a brave lady to break free from this cycle of abuse and finally realise how they were controlled - not all domestic abuse can be seen there may be bruises from physical violence but the mental scars are hidden, hugs Jan xx

Constance La France
Date: 5/10/2024 7:32:00 AM

Jan, thank you for the compassion in your comment, you know the tears I have shed and my battle to let go of the past and poetry writing has been the key, agree with you the mental scars last forever, hugs