Con-events

This just in from our local news team: A nun was detained by two students after class and forced to drink a dry martini. The students, John Peterson and Shirley Kemper (who wish to remain anonymous) said they began to ask the nun, Sister Alowiscious ( known on the inside as Sister Mary Sunshine), about rumors of wild events at the Convent of Holy Pain. As Sister Mary sipped, the following was revealed. She spoke of bubble bath parties and dancing conga lines. She then spilled the tea on clandestine sleepovers and secret wine tastings. The nuns devised a plan to smuggle bottles from the nearby rectory in wine bags fastened by rosary beads attached to the sash under their habits. She related one instance when wine was obtained at bingo. A local liquor store had donated a prize basket of cheer. Sister Benedictate called the numbers on a “ fill-the-card “game and claimed nobody won, as a ball marked “free space” had not been drawn from the machine . She kept the basket amidst boos and jeers from the disgruntled senior citizens leaving the room. As if these revelations weren’t enough, Sister Sunshine then teased that an even more shocking story was forthcoming - (involving a certain “Sister Superior” and a bake sale!)- only on condition that she receive a second martini ( with extra olives)! Stay tuned for more updates from this developing story…..