Chat

cold physically, emotionally, spiritually hollowed out like a two hundred year old redwood ravaged by fire, i didn’t care my sense of purpose had long lost its relevance spiraling out of control and letting it happen. i had to admit, i needed help we had a relationship once, You and me, we used to chat, though it’d been a while. i believed You would help me. thats what You do. So i called on You and waited for a response. … crickets maybe a little more reflecting wouldn’t hurt. …so i waited and i called on You again. You must have known i would reach out. You must have heard my cries. where were You? away on business? i thought it was ego or pride. or both. not coming to You regularly seems to piss You off maybe there’s a lesson to be learned i knew one of us had to blink. then i remembered, You don’t blink. it’s pretty much Your way or the highway. i realized this time i wasn’t going to blink either. now what? … more crickets i learned early i am responsible for my actions i read a person must trust in himself ultimately, one can’t rely on anyone else one needs to develop inner strength be honest with himself, face life, face reality. no one or thing is going to save me only i can in the past, i believed in myself when most wrote me off. and in a moment of clarity, i figured it out the righteous will say You did hear me You heard my cries and answered my action was Your response. giving me the strength to ask for help to pull myself up, to be a light for others it was You working through me. they’ll say there’s a bigger picture that i don’t see or get. someday an explanation will be revealed. i suppose those are possibilities but i don’t understand; what’s Your point? is this about me or about You or You and me? teaching? compassion? put them before myself? feel the pain i inflicted on others? exalt You as the only one who can “fix things?” how does that work? i get credit for failing and You for healing. maybe someday if You have time, we can have coffee and chat about it. we’ll meet some place where we can sit outside and You can blow more smoke