Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/8/2012 10:16:11 PM
Anya Chebukina Posts: 1
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Thunder roaring
Lightning blazing
Rain falling
Sky rolling
The streets are bare
The shops are closed
The windows shut
The doors wont open
A single girl
Hiding in her room
A single candle
burning bright
A single hope
Being sent out into the storm.
The night went on
And the thunder went on roaring
The lightning went on blazing
The rain went on falling
The sky went on rolling
The little girl fell asleep
at the window
The candle died out
after all that time
The hope sent out into the storm
showing its work, one by one
The thunder stopped roaring
The lightning stopped blazing
The rains stopped falling
The sky stopped rolling
Moments went by
and the sky was blue
Moments went by
and the sun came out
Moments went by
the bird songs began
Moments went by
and the little girl woke up
Moments went by
and hopes work was done
Moments went by
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5/10/2012 8:02:54 AM
Nathan D. Posts: 7
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the repative nature of the poem make its monotonous instead of enjoyable. the poem itself its about the change that hope brings and yet you make no ovature to describe what brought about the change or how hope had triphumant which is far more interesting then the metaphoric sky with its changing wheather
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