Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/13/2017 11:43:24 AM
Stephanie Allen Posts: 1
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Roll the dice of love What will it land on? Will it caress you with a gentle touch? Or will it suffocate you and watch you gasp for air? Go ahead and play Russian Roulette Love becomes the bullet Metallic and cold to the touch If you are lucky you’ll miss this love bullet of death Love to gamble? Well gamble with love The stakes are high Love is the dealer and your opponent What’s the prize you may wonder? A lifetime of happiness Or better yet some heartache and pain Think twice before playing The best players have lost this game It might sound discouraging But if you don’t have a ticket you don’t have a chance to win the love lottery Play at your own risk of course edited by Stephy on 12/13/2017
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12/14/2017 12:33:23 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
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There is a lot of generalizing here. Even though running the concept of love through various games are images, they are pretty pedestrian observations. A reader could ask, "Why should I believe the speaker?" In my opinion, that is why writers show and not tell the reader how to think and feel. What happened to the speaker to believe love is like Russian Roulette. It is a clever thought, but not much "meat" on it. Readers are a bit voyeuristic, they look for the "dirt", the more idiosyncratic and specific the better. The reader wants to take the journey with you, not be told how things are. Sorry to be a downer. Best wishes!
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