Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/19/2017 3:56:00 PM
Bjorn Wastvedt Posts: 4
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Tropical Love
Colorful petals, huge tender soft leaves, Intricate patterns, the type spiders weave. Gentle breezes, smelling the ocean salt, Embedded crystals where the surf may halt. Bright colored finches flocking through the air, Loud racket is heard from a hidden lair.
The rainforest splendor and how it sings, Tropical colors on butterfly wings! Splendiferous blossoms - Edenic bay, Colorful orchids take my breath away. Gigantic geysers spraying in the air, Lava is flowing, too hot to be near.
My passionate love, as we stop to rest, Relaxing in comfort against my chest.
© Bjørn O. Wastvedt, 2017 edited by SouthernKisses on 11/19/2017
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11/19/2017 4:00:25 PM
Bjorn Wastvedt Posts: 4
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I am writing this poem in Sonnet form, with 10 syllables per line... But I have very little experience with Sonnets so any help I can receive would be greatly appreciated. edited by SouthernKisses on 11/19/2017
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11/20/2017 5:11:37 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
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Most sonnets have a definite meter. The most familiar is the Shakespearean sonnet which has lines written in iambic pentameter. This is ten syllables accented all soft, loud. Your rhyme scheme is ababab, cdcdcd, ee which is acceptable. But here's the rub: good rhyming is extremely difficult to do. The reader must not get feeling that the next line is composed just so it rhymes with the previous one. That said, I like the first stanza very much. The second, at least to my ear, sounds a little "cutesy". I like the ending couplet. If you like using a strong sound sense in poems, I would suggest researching what is called "abstract poetry" which uses alliteration and assonance within lines themselves at the risk of losing some of the literal meaning. Best wishes!
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11/20/2017 11:01:52 PM
Bjorn Wastvedt Posts: 4
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Stephen, words cannot describe my thankfulness. I can only attempt by translating the Norwegian saying: "a thousand thanks" !
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