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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/18/2017 2:30:42 PM
Mark Brown Posts: 1
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@page { margin: 0.79in } p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120% } East of Eden
Have you ever heard the voice of god? I really mean it, Have you ever heard the voice of god?
Tell me what was it like? Was it gentle was it nice?
Was it refreshing? Was it cool, soft, quiet and gentle?
My brother, my man Have you heard the voice of god?
Could you describe for me, The way the angels sing?
You people come and go, Yelling you’re in the know.
Don’t lie, you know it’s a lie. You have a lust to succeed. why else would you desire something pain free?
Chocolate rivers, golden streets Pearly gates and virgin’s dreams
Tell me now so I can Fall asleep and follow blindly like Abel's sheep edited by k2lu3 on 11/19/2017
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11/18/2017 5:11:48 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
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I would fix the typo "angles" to "angels". I like the last part best as it is an image with great sound. The previous is a bit too much telling and not enough showing for me. Let the reader take the journey. I would try starting the poem with the ending and continue images.
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