Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/24/2010 5:06:13 AM
Michael Harris Posts: 1
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Long live the night For inevitable is the end Swiftly shall it arrive How unfortunate to begin
Retire to the domain From which let birth She is awaiting the arrival With the last, comes the first
The fruit has ripened Yet leaves depart Withhold the execution Exiled is the heart
Withdraw from perception Observe the absolute Enter the shadowed realm Disprove the truth
The shoreline is receding Dwindling in its might Compelled by which it has swallowed Shallowing its height
The slope grows steeper Yet the ground turns to air The future holds the past Yet nothing is there
Give not to temptation The thirstful void Cursed by the presence Of which was destroyed
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10/15/2010 11:55:26 PM
tara jennings Posts: 12
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Beautiful imagary, rhyme, meter, organization, I enjoyed reading the words, but I think there was too much artistic metaphor or language for my simple (and often slow witted) mind to find the truth you want me to understand from your writing. The fourth stanza is where I lost your metaphor you introduced "long live the night"; which by the way is a powerful invocation of emotion, well done on choosing powerful language.
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