Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/17/2012 12:34:49 PM
Alexander Conyers Posts: 3
|
In the valley of times surrender
In the valley of times surrender, And in the fields of tears that flow Just remember one thing my darling, What lies ahead you'll never know
By the trees of life that give, And this lonely stream that wanders Upon these hills of innocence, I have seen a land of wonder
I looked for love in forests of rust, And on plains of cherished fears In the whirlwinds of self confidence, This shallow empty weir
Along the banks of timeless worry, I have felt the earth erode Felt the gradient of years gone by, On this barren worn out road
Amid desolate deserts I roamed unknown, And in sun drenched cites high Memories plough it feels no pity, Has haunted my own mind
I have combed this savage wasteland, Sheltered on freedoms shores Looked at crisp bright skies with love, Through granite tainted eyes.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
9/18/2012 9:14:04 PM
Daniela Angeja Posts: 2
|
Hi Alexander, You started amazingly well, but I think you should have finished on the fifth strophe. The last sentence of the poem lives it unfinished, so I think. Please correct me if I am wrong...
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software