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I don't want to have kids

But I really want.
I remember in midnight, when I placed the book near my head and slept deep in tears.
,,We found the boy alone in the apartment.
He waited for his mother, 55 days.
He didn't like cheese, so he putted them at the windowsill and gave it the insects he later slapped and placed one by one at the tables. 
Standing in a line.
He built up threads through the chairs, if someone came in.
The officer accidently step on the insects on ground.
,,They were for my mom, how dare you! And bit me in my arm" 
- Brotherhood of the Rose 
(not the right quote)
While his mother was out as a prostitute.
Some people will ask why someone wouldn't want kids, 
is it because to much effort? 
First a child should experience love, 
how can I give a kid love, 
when I am not full of love?

Copyright © Adna Demiri

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Book: Shattered Sighs