The Hidden Life: Chapter Six The Meeting That Almost Didn't Happen

In the fallowing months nothing really happened other then school and other meaningless crap. I spent valentine's day with Jack went on a dinner date and a movie at the drive in. ( I know lame but hey i have a ten dollar allowence and he works on crap cars and quit his morning job.) Spring came almost early and then decieded to screw us with a foot of snow instead. Yuck. I think mother nature is bipolor and is really pissed off for some reason. (well that makes two of us being pissed off.) Jesse and I planned for him to meet the dead beat James Burdatte. I caught him looking at the picture like twenty times a day. He must be trying to figure out what he got from James. I don’t see what they might have in common but then again you never know. From the picture he may have got the eye color and hair that’s all. I’m so worried about what this meeting might be able to do to Jesse. It could make him mad at James which he should be. Or it could make him do something else all together. I think it’s a good idea if Jesse wrote what he wants to say to James to keep his head on right. We talked for any hour or two about the different ways the meeting could happen. Or should I say Jesse talked and I listened to him. We kept the meeting to ourselves because if dad knew then he would say no way in hell.

“You should be a shrink Meredith. You’ll be good at it.” I shock my head no. “Nah I want to be a cop. It’ll be more fun to shoot the bad guys instead of listening of how they felt when their mommys and daddy's didn't buy them a toy at christmas that one year. It matters of how the deal with their mistakes. And if they screwed up it isn’t their family’s fault it is theirs. We thought we will go on Friday because we have off for teachers meetings that day. When we have these days off dad makes us go to work with him and mom. But this time we are saying we have homework and things to do around the house. (And it’s not a 100% lie. I do have homework but it’s not much.) I hope they buy it. When Friday came around Dad and Mom asked if we like to go to work with them. ( I wasn’t aware that we were under the age of ten and wasn’t allowed to stay home alone.) Maddie said she is going to hang out with Carrie Anne and Stella Wills for the day and do school work. Then they came after Jesse maybe they thought they can get to him before he has plans but it was too late. That Friday I got up late just so I’ll make sure that I won’t have to go to work the 'rents. Jesse was in the kitchen when I went down stairs. Klaus was hanging out in the living room and my sister was locked in the bathroom doing her make up. I think we should just make her bedroom a bathroom so maybe she won’t hog ours. Jesse let Klaus out before we drove to James’s house. Our plan is to drive to it and then park.

Then when Jesse feels like it we’ll go and talk to him. It took thirty minutes to get there. While we waited for Jesse to get himself together my phone started ringing. It was Jack wanting to know if we wanted to hang with him after the whole dad thing. Jack knows about the dead beat dad thing because I told him about it. He thinks that this meeting will be hard on Jesse. He also thought he should go with us because we might need muscles. I told him to stay home and work on his dad’s van. (Like I can't some guy's ass myself.Please) We were parked outside James’s house for an hour until someone with a beer belly came out. He didn’t have much hair he looked like a grease ball. Like you would find at a pizza place in Brooklyn. Where you would find a hair on your pizza. Sorry if I just put you off of the pizza here. Don’t worry no one has ever got hair in their pizza. (I think it’s against New York Law to have hair your pizza. Us New Yorkers are serious about our pizza.) Or at least I have never had that happen. The fat grease no haired man came over to my truck. “Hey you kids why are you sitting in front of my house?” I looked at Jesse and looked at the man. “I think we just found James Burdatte.” We both looked at him in shock thinking we should make a run for it. “You kids undercover for the cops or something? If so no one in that house has done anything.” Jesse rolled down the window to talk to James.

“We aren’t cops sir. I’m your son.” James gave us a weird look like he thought we were lying or something. Why would someone lie about being his son. If it was me I would have said other wise. “If you are my kid prove it. Let m see some I.D or something. Come on kid.” Jesse pulled out an old picture of James to show him. “Here you go.” James looked at it for a long time. “Okay. Where did you get it?” I looked at the man and glared at him. “He got it from his mom you know Emily Rosemen. The woman you ran out on so many years ago.” James spat on to the ground. “You another one of my kids girly?” Jesse put the picture in his bag. “I’m not one of your kids’ sir I’m Jesse’s cousin.” He nodded at me. “You two should come in the house so we can talk.” James started walking toward the house with half his ass hanging out of his pants. “Should we go Meredith? This might be my only chance to talk to him and find out what happened.” I reached over and opened his door for him.

“Yeah let’s find the truth it will help and if it doesn’t then I’ll become a shrink and I’ll do it for free.” Jesse didn’t even smile at that. We got out and walked across the road to the old boarding house. It had a smell to it like rotten eggs and it had grass almost to my hips.(mind you I’m five foot six inches tall.) They need someone to cut it before someone from the state comes and gets wrote up. The stairs leading up to the door was falling apart. I’m surprised it held James’s weight. He must be almost 300 pounds. We had to take the stairs all the way to the 16th floor of the place. There was no other way to go up and down the place. The place is too gross to tell you what it looks like you are going to have picture it in your heads. If I told you then you will throw up. Or have the place knocked down which you should it’s a person’s worst nightmare.

Let’s just say that this place didn’t know a good shot out. We get to James’s place and before he unlocks the door he turns to us. “You sure you aren’t cops?” I look at him like you got to be kidding me look. “I’m going to be a cop one day but not now can we go in or not?” I said holding my bag close to me. We got into James’s man cave and believe me it smelled like something died. “So why did you leave my mom?” Jesse asked right off the bat. James stood there thinking of why he left but after a minute he farted. “You want to know the truth kid? Whatever your name is. I didn’t want a rugrat I wasn’t ready to have a kid I didn’t want a kid. I still don’t want a kid.” Jesse stood there thinking of what to say to his sperm donor. I looked around the little bedroom place and I can say that this place as never seen a good day at all.

There are pizza boxes and underwear every where you look. Among them there are bugs that aren’t even known to man. I’m sure that James has names for them all. “You got to have a better reason then you didn’t want to be a dad! I mean really you missed out on some good times. Times that we could have as a family but no you thought you were too good for us. You came back to this shit hole. And for what for to live with bugs and black mold? You screwed up our lives for all this? I’m surprised you aren’t in prison for something. For sixteen years you didn’t even send money for me or mom. She had to work three jobs to make sure we had food and whatever else we needed. I have to say that before today I thought my life would be better when I met you but not anymore. I don’t want anything to do with you. This time I’m walking out on you!!!” Jesse yelled at James trying to let him have it. After it Jesse was breathing really hard.

Jesse grabbed my arm and we left with the door slamming behind us. We went home without a word between us. When we got home the family already started dinner. We sat down and started eating our food. Klaus was looking at his owner with a sad look in his puppy eyes. We ate without talking for five minutes or so until dad started to look at his family weird. “So how was everyone’s day? What did you and Meredith Anne do today Jesse Daniel?” Without saying something Jesse got up and grabbed Klaus and left the house. My dad eyed me like I did something to hurt Jesse. “What happened Meredith Anne?” I drank some soda and said:” Nothing is wrong he just don’t feel good right now and he needs fresh air Dad.” But God only knows where Jesse is really going. I’m just happy he took Klaus with him maybe he can help Jesse. We finished dinner then went to our rooms waiting for Jesse to come home. It wasn’t until one am that Jesse came home with Klaus behind him with his head looking down. Lucky for them dad gave up waiting on Jesse two hours ago and went to bed for the night. But I waited for him to try to get him to talk to me or something. He started to head to his room when I came in the hallway with my arms folded. “Hold it Jesse come back right now.” I said trying to sound like a worried person who has been freaking out. “I’m not in the mood Meredith can we talk later like around noon?” I walk closer to him. “No we can’t now go in the kitchen and sit.”

I fallowed him to the kitchen where Klaus was drinking some water. “Sit down Jesse.” I said trying to sound pissed off at him. “You know what time it is? It’s one am!! And this is New York City the city of getting jacked for just being outside. You know what I can’t yell at you Jesse. Even though what you did was stupid beyond anything else. I get it meeting James wasn’t all you thought it was going to be. But you can’t just leave for hours on end like that around here. You could get killed or raped. It’s New York not West Virginia Jesse. I’m just worried about you. We talk in this family not run off with the dog!!” Jesse stood up and looked at me. “If we talk in this family why don’t you tell your family about Arianna? If I have to talk about James to them then you have to tell them about her!! You are right you can’t tell me off for leaving the house and not coming back until late. I know you snuck out to do whatever. I’m going to bed now we’ll talk later. I don’t feel like waking up Uncle Matt and Aunt Mary.” Jesse and Klaus went to his room for the night. I slept in the living room on the sofa for the night. I thought if I did I would catch Jesse trying to run out early in the morning. I got woken up by my brother turning on the tv. “Is Jesse still here or did he leave?” I asked Matt Jr.

He shock his head I don’t know. I got up and went to Jesse run and knocked on the door. I heard Klaus bark at me from behind it. I walk in and see Jesse snoring under the covers. I looked around his room trying to find something to wake him up but I found nothing to use for loud noise. I mean other then Klaus. (and Jesse is used to him by now.) I went down stairs to get a pot and something to hit it with. I entered the kitchen and saw dad drinking his coffee. “Morning sweetie did Jesse come home yet?” I nodded my head and grabbed a pot from under the sink and the big wooden fork hanging from the wall. “What are you going to do with that Meredith Anne?” My father asked me. “I’m going to wake up my dear cousin Jesse for the day.” My dad looks up from his coffee and smiles. “Okay honey have fun. Just don’t wake your mother Meredith Anne.” I look back at him and smiled my evil smile. “Okay daddy I won’t wake up mother.”

I went back to Jesse’s room and shut the door behind me. I got real close to his head and started banging on the pot really loud and Klaus started barking along with it. Out of no where Jesse jumped out of bed thinking that we were under attack or something. I just wished that he had more then just underwear on when he got up. “Eww Jesse put on clothes God now I’m going to need a shrink to get that out of my head.” He grabbed the covers and pulled them around himself. “Why are you in my room at 8:15am? I wasn’t going to leave the house or anything God oh mighty. Can you leave my room now so I can put pants on Meredith?” Jesse said to me still trying to cover himself. I leave the room with the pot and big fork closing the door behind me.

A few minutes later the door opened and I’m happy for this Jesse had clothes on. I walked in the room with the pot still in hand. “I know you were thrown for a world wind yesterday I would be too. To tell the truth I am in one. But next time text me to let me know you weren’t killed or kidnapped.” Jesse sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I thought about wondering the streets until the end of time. I ended up at James Burdatte’s just across the street I did go in there to yell at him again. But then I thought he isn’t worth it. So I went to McDonald’s until they kicked me out at 11:45pm. I just walked around until I got home. I think Klaus was happy to be home. Sorry I freaked you out Meredith.” I sat there petting Klaus when Jesse told me what happened last night. Klaus whimpered a little putting his head in my lap. “I didn’t tell Dad or Mom about it or anything. But you know you are grounded until you die. I’m sure Dad will say something about it when you go down stairs.” A few minutes later dad called everyone down to eat.

When I sat down my brother was on his second plate of food and my sister was picking at her food not sure which will kill her diet or should she eat at all. Mom just sits there trying to wake up from the shock her husband made something someone could eat. I guess we can’t say dad can’t cook anymore. (I did find take out breakfast bag in the trash later on that day.) “How was your little walk Jesse Daniel?” My dad asks him. Jesse looked at dad and shrugged his shoulders. “Just don’t do it again okay Jesse Daniel. Your aunt and I don’t like to worry and we thought of the worst things. Just don’t do it again okay? This time you won’t be in trouble but next time well just make sure that there isn’t a next time. Got it?”

I had half a pancake in my mouth when I started chocking trying to talk and eat at the same time. “But that’s not fair. If he would have been one of us he would be grounded until the end of time! Sesh at least I know how the favorites are in the family!” I got up and stormed off. Yes that’s right I pulled a Maddie. I feel so bad that I acted like my sister. (But I was a teenager after all at some point i did have to act like it.) I went to my room and shut the door. Then to add to the craziness put on my music way too loud for any human’s ears. I kept it that way for most of the day. Dad started knocking my door within an hour to tell me to turn down the music and stop being a drama queen. I did turn it down a little to put my headphones on. I didn’t feel like going deaf. (At least not until I'm old and gray)

I suffered the net a good part of the day and chilled out in my room I only went out of it if I had to piss really badly. I looked up that doctor again to see what she is really about. Arianna can’t be telling the truth about the shock treatments. It can’t be true. I know they use to do that in the 60s through the 80s. I feel bad for them. Just think having being tied down to a bed or a table having tap on your mouth and being shocked. It gives me nightmares just thinking about it. I don’t want to think about what my family is going to do when they find out about me. I don’t even know what I am yet. I keep looking at info on different ideas about the gays and such. I’m shocked at somethings I read I think most of it was b.s from catholic pastors and nuns. I wrote down the doc’s number for later like later now. Like for when I’m really to get shocked out of my head. Maybe that won’t be so bad maybe they’ll shock me enough to forget my crazy family. I fall asleep in my bed for a while until I got a text from Jack.

“Hey u want to hang with me tomorrow?”

I look at my phone and not answer Jack’s text.

I dialed the doc’s number hoping someone will answer it. On the sixth ring I was about to hang up. “I would like to come in soon and talk to the doc. Yes, no, yes, no, yes I have. My name?

Starla Scrubbs.”

All weekend long I was worried about going to the doctor on Monday. What if they call the real Scrubbs. Or call my mom and dad. But I kept lying to myself saying the only reason I’m gong to meet her is for my paper. Nothing else. Sure I can do all the research in the world but I want to know what a doctor thinks about the shock treatments and how they really work.

I don’t think there is a gay part of the brain. You are who you are gay, straight or whatever. God might have made you that way for a reason. But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you. There I go again going off the track. If I keep doing this then you will never know happens comes June. I did talk to Jack after I talked to the doc. He even came over to watch a football game with Dad. I guess they have a bromance going on. They even have little bets going on with the games. Little ones for five or ten dollars. They are evenly matched so far. But I’m sure that when the Alabama game comes on then dad is going to want to bet big. He never bets against his team. He might be a New Yorker at heart but when he sees a good football team he sticks with it.

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