I Love Him Mother

«I love him,  mother… » .. chocking sobs, vibrating her tiny body,  pierced a sudden silence..

Who dares say these words! and to whom ! to a strict disciplined mother!

Her  two sisters, who happened to be there in their small living room,  could whisper no word.. could not even catch a breath! Why she didn’t confide to them, they might have wondered.. They  were watching their mother.. no single expression on her face! She was able to hold herself as she was used to handling tougher situations.. but not this one!

No voice could be heard from her mother’s thoughts.. None saw her hold her daughter tight and embrace her tender heart.. instead, she just said in a flat voice “may be we should talk later..”

Grace tried to absorb the flow of her emotions, deafen what remained of her sobs and regain her initial state.. Now she was herself but with a new feeling of great relief and liberation..

No way it could be me talking that way to my mother! What a shame! She heard herself thinking.

 My mother who knew no schools, met no teachers, read no books, wrote no words..

I’m awed by her solidity and shrewdness! She succeeded to impart her golden values and imprint them on my very sensitive soul..

No single word was heard.. just these inner voices roaming inside her mind.

Grace didn’t dare raise a sight. She always thought of her mother as a venerated mentor, a bright light when dark creeps into her path.. But when peace deserted her heart and mind, she would think of her as very rigid and hard to convince.. a mother who couldn’t respond to her tribulations..

She imagined love, felt it and tasted it through different settings, other times, through foreign characters, from different worlds!  She got to know many definitions and facets of love yet still wondering if there could be anything more to perceive..

Words of love and love in words! There are always blanks to fill in.. links missed.. things to explore and understand.. Incomprehension to be dissolved.. A whole journey of thirst, the last breath is the last stop..

The all she is, is in love.. she was empowered to dare and her heart  to her mother bare..

She didn’t want just to confide in someone.. she could have done this to her close friend, or to one of her sisters, the one she was closer in age and vision. She rather sought a listener she could trust, a power of sight from a person not of her heart and mind age, and who was more qualified for that than her mother!

She was as close to her father as she was distant from him. Rose, he used to call her when he wanted to show his contentment and pride having her. She loved his silent admiration, his tender care and his fervent faith.  She admired his kindness and his virtuous integrity..

She did not remember seeing her father tempted by the fruits of earth. She blissfully thought how blessed she lived  with a deep respect  and a pure impression of him in her heart and her mind.

She did not recall a  time or an instance her father refused her a request or a desire, one main reason was that she simply did not ask. She appreciated what her father could afford and provide. Another reason was that her mother was the one in charge of girls issues, both indoors and outdoors..

As he grew older and closer to heaven, her father gained a mystic look and a wrinkled smile with warm misty eyes. She still could reminisce about those exalting and soothing moments when holy words sacredly entered the soul as they touched the lips of her father when he prayed in the first light of dawn..

“Love entered my heart, dad”! she would never utter these words.. She was not used to talking to him. Rather, a silent eye communication they used to share . They understood each other and they knew quite well their likes and dislikes. “Grace is so sensitive, try not to offend her. Choose your words.. they may hurt her..” she once heard these words, that fitted in her depth, coming from her father.

“My mother wasn’t that soft.” A quiet murmur was only voiced inside her. So many things rippled within her and dissolved into silence.

She looked distrait, but kept gazing at her daughter with her roaring sobs that pierced the prevailing silence.. «I love him,  mother » ..

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