Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/18/2023 6:50:19 AM
Yash Agrawall Posts: 5
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THAT FRIEND ~Yash Agrawall
I’m a friend that would stand by you No matter what you’re going through. I’ll try to ease the pain for you I promise to be there for you. But I don’t know where we went wrong Now you don’t even pick up my calls. I just want to talk it out, But I just don’t know how. Even if I try to you say not right now. I’m always waiting for your replies, You just leave mine on liked. It’s been a long time, Without your face in my eyes. You are always on a curfew, When I want to see you. I’m sorry if I did something wrong, But I’m sure it wasn’t intentional at all. Yell at me if I hurt you, Tell me where I was wrong, Talk to me and figure it out, But please don’t switch things off. edited by yashagrawall on 8/18/2023
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8/19/2023 6:10:35 PM
Bob Atkinson Posts: 295
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Do like your unique theme.
Have suggestions, just my preferences, not absolutely correct or universal, pure me.
But, have my preferences.
1. Don't like capitalization. Distracts me. Objective is to have each line stand on its own in the reader's mind.
2. Don't like punctuation. Distracts me.
3. Don't like the words "it," verb 2b (is are was were), "the"
better left unsaid.
4. Don't like more words than necessary, distracting.
5. Word crafting for a smooth flow desirable with pretty words if possible.
6. Do like a solid theme, such as yours.
Regards, Bob
would stand by you as a friend no matter what you have in view I’ll try to ease some pain for you promise always, there for you
don’t know where we went wrong now you won’t pick up my phone just want to talk this through do not know what to do
you say in contact “not right now”
always waiting for some reply just leave mine on liked for now been a long time without contact your face in my eyes lacking
always on a curfew when I want to see you sorry if I did something wrong surely wasn’t my intent at all
yell at me if Ihurt you tell me where I went bad talk to me to give me hope please don’t leave me so remote
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