Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/15/2021 11:47:28 AM
Barbara Peckham Posts: 5
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Please give me feedback on this poem, " Reprise"
Reprise Against the depthless blue Backdrop of the sky A tracery of bare brown branches Feathers out above, Dipped golden by last rays Of the declining sun. But wait! The show’s not over yet, For as the sun Makes its final bow, A grand finale takes the stage. Splashes and streaks Of rose and pink, Purple, and orange Dance across the horizon, Higher and wider, Until the lagoon below’s No longer blue, But the palette of heaven Reflected here on Earth. When those golden days arrive Upon our doorstep, And time creeps slowly Toward that last horizon, Our grand finale Will be the reprise Of all our life upon this Earth. So gather your paints. Splash your canvas with color! Live! Set the scene for A glorious exit from this stage. To grand applause.
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3/19/2022 1:29:58 PM
Dave Collins Posts: 13
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Good imagery. Try to refrain from using too many conjunctions/prepositions. They take away from the flow. Some suggestions, take/leave them. A grand finale takes "center" stage. Splashes, streaks of rose, pink and Purple wash across my/the Horizon. Against a depthless blue backdrop of sky (again find the right flow and it fits) bare brown branches feather or fan out above. Dipped in Golden rays by a (sleepy), declining sun. Hope this helps, good job.
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