Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/6/2018 1:19:27 PM
Zachary Gilstrap Posts: 2
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Don’t Shoot the Messenger:
Don’t shoot when you see a coffee-coated vessel
Imbued with historical cattle-prodding, showcasing a collective consciousness trampled
Into submission by years of crocodile tears and homestead domestication.
Don’t shoot when your glass house is pelted
by pellets of retribution, Champagne corks long-overdue, and representation worthwhile.
Don’t shoot when you see me or we absorb the scars
Of our mothers and fathers And make joyful noise One pellet at a time.
Don’t shoot the messenger.
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1/10/2018 4:51:25 PM
Bob Atkinson Posts: 294
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Sweet
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1/18/2018 11:26:39 PM
Jack Webster Posts: 255
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i agree with Bob A. I think this is very good as is.
There is an opportunity, if you wish, to extend the coffee metaphor: coffee is something that wakes people up...
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1/31/2018 12:08:40 PM
Stephen Wilson-Floyd Posts: 49
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I like this very much. Your compounding of descriptive words is evocative. I don't understand all of it but that is not a negative. "Poems should be, not mean," comes to mind. "Cattle-prodding...trampling" just whets my appetite. My minds just says, "This just sounds so good, it must mean something, what, what..?" And I get my own personal, suggestive meaning. Right now I am intrigued with one of the best abstract poets, Dylan Thomas. You might enjoy him. Best wishes.
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