Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/22/2017 11:37:20 PM
Just A Beginner Posts: 2
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I am a man... and
I have always heard it said by women, catcalling is bad news.
This never mattered to me, why would it? I'm not a woman, and I don't catcall. I don't contribute to the problem!
I was even proud of myself for talking to someone after they catcalled one of my friends and letting them know it wasn't ok.
Thinking to my self, if everyone single person who was against it could just say this to someone, the problem would be gone!
Ignorance was my bliss though, because little did I know I was blind to the ways of the world
In all of IT'S ignorance
Not a day, Not a minute, Not a second goes by where a girl DOESN'T get harrased
DOESN'T get catcalled
DOESN'T look down at the clothes she is wearing before she steps out the door because atleast someone did the courtasy of teaching this one that society decided looks mean more than anything else
Do you realize how wrong what I just said was?
I'm not a **** the system kind of guy
But when the system says that a woman has to have a waist this small and a man has to be able to flex each pectoral muscle individually
When this directly leads to health issues and eating disorders and more problems than I can name
I start to question weather it is doing more harm than good
Not every man has to have an 8 pack and not every woman has to literally show her bones through her skin like the sin that seeps from the cracks of a broken body image
Yet somehow in the noise of the world something as trivial as a catcall literally slips away in the fake convivial ecstasy bred from inequity
Whilst one whistle on the street means nothing to a world suffering as its insides are ripped out
It means everything to the 13 year old girl who just went out for a movie with her friends for the first time
...Alone...
The sweats and hoodies don't stop the calls from all sides simply because this girl is so obviously alone
Alone in a time that thinks that a tipsy dude from the single bar on the street saying something is so perfectly ok
When the only thoughts on her mind if she is going to be ok, or be the front of tomorrows newspaper
A self defence class can teach a girl to put keys inbetween fingers or to wear hair down so it can't be grabbed as easily
But a class can't teach her How to gather the courage to report a co-worker for slapping her butt when all she wanted to do was make a copy
How to hold the keys she doesn't have because she is to young to drive
How to nagivate the safest route home in a town she has never been in before
Lucky for her she knows a guy in the town
Yet even her, the recipient and subject of more than any one person should ever has to stand struggles with amaurosis
And she doesn't see the girl on the other side of the road, who isn't walking with someone perceived as a threat
Or hear as she slowly and solemnly makes her way through more calls of 'smile a little honey' and 'better than my ex-wife'
Because as much as we hate it this way, these are just the typical catcalling noises
Of everyday life
Ofc, any help would be appreciated.
-Just A Beginner
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8/23/2017 10:28:00 AM
Dean Wood Posts: 31
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This is a powerful write for a beginner! I am not an expert on free verse so I can't offer much in the form of advice. Only this, as well written as this piece is, it resembles prose broken up into pieces to resemble a poem. To be poetry, it needs more rythmn (not necessarily rhyme) and some poetic devices. This is a great piece of work and carries a good and powerful message but it needs a little work to become poetic.
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