Book: Reflection on the Important Things

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » please let me know. this is called human error.

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/9/2017 12:49:30 PM

meghan laurus
Posts: 1
the universe has swallowed me whole and plucked the happiness from my veins. i am falling into an abyss of sorrow and i ask: will there ever be an end? an end to this confusion, desperation, loneliness?

simultaneously i am lost. i am on the brink of the world and all of its superficiality and im daring myself to feel and to be more but I cannot will my feet to move.


the answer is no. it will resonate and vibrate within my bones until i have finally faltered in faith of the sunshine. when i have given up on the possibility of escape, the possibility to turn around.


there is no escape from this everlasting depression because the universe has swallowed me whole and there are no windows to allow me to breathe.
permalink • reply with quote
8/22/2017 5:57:58 PM

Dean Wood
Posts: 31
I really like this poem Meghan! The desperation is tangible and convincing. I liked your word choice of "brink". Most would have used "edge". The alliteration in the 3rd stanza is a nice touch. Honestly, I am not real good at the "free verse" form so I can't give you much constructive criticism but I honestly like what I read here. Nice work! Regards, Dean
edited by Dean Wood on 8/22/2017
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » please let me know. this is called human error.




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software