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5/12/2019 2:59:19 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	Make me drunk with the jewelof your eyes I want to bloom like cottonand save me from this demise Still you are away from mewhole Seems to be lost my heart andsoul In one other’s arms you andme, Nostalgia is sweat till thisreminiscence comforts me Growing in me is the thoughtof yours, Yearning you who heals andcures Our fate keeping us away Uncanny! Turning my days gray
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7/7/2019 6:09:38 PM Anna Pratt Posts: 7	I really liked the style, the experimentation threw me off a little at first but I do think I like it. Part of what thew me off is that "away from mewhole" is a bit clunky of a phrase, and if you do end up changing it, modifying the phrase "heart andsoul" to rhyme with the replacement wouldn't take too much away from the poem. Also, it would probably be "yearning for you" instead of "yearning you," unless you want to play with the grammar. I liked how the exclamation mark after "Uncanny!" is the only punctuation in the whole poem. The style contributed to a sense of confused, manic loneliness, which I really liked. All in all, a very good poem!
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7/14/2019 5:53:10 PM Devotchka Lovingrace Posts: 5	I would reformat this. Joining words together really throws me off. I think you might have done it to add pace and I think you might be able to do this purely with a split sentence. I want to bloom like cotton and Save me from this demise. Aside from that I'd readdress the grammar and reflect on what you actually mean and what you want to suggest. At points it reads like a double meaning "thought of yours" for instance, an idea conceived and planted by somebody else. However, we would read this most likely as "thought of you" so this creates a good discussion on the readers' side. On the other hand, at other points it reads like errors. Hope this was helpful and I hope I've highlighted that potential exists here.
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7/28/2019 3:35:32 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	Thank you very much for your valuable comments.
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7/28/2019 3:36:07 AM Kiran Nivedh Sarguneswaran Posts: 10	Thank you very much for your valuable comments
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