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Forum Home » High Critique » Welcome to please critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/8/2018 10:18:27 AM

Satsatnam Khalsa
Posts: 2
Energetically Speaking

Steer here to peer at these compounded years
fierce uncried fears strangled my tears

So strong, so stoic, brave in my silence, too
no one to empower or donate my views to

Learned that I’m supposed, to trust no one, tell no one
better hold fast lest secrets will come undone

Electric our address, electric our bodies
lack of awareness, feel more like zombies

Dead to my joy, insecure with disease
fight, flight or freeze, trauma decrees

Just been discovered! Solution’s found!
I walk in it all around on the ground

Key’s found in this doomed body’s feelings
Hear this, she sends me her grandly warm greetings

Addiction hides, compulsion derides
accumulates massive quantity besides

of foul smelly goo that it slowly oozes
all this goo morphs, brims over, then it fuses

with lies that they told me and I told myself
it cools and it hardens to a huge gnarly shelf

of trauma’s junk rooted in every cell through
cram up my throat-dam until I go blue

How can I feel it; huge loada crap’s in the way
Love pulses through sorrow, betrayal, and plain ol’ dismay

Rather than think hard, analyze, theorize
feel it beat, healing seat, never terrorize

Mind speculates, worries, and ruminates
unending intrigue, more dead ends to designate

Breathe consciously to observe energy’s flow
gone the throat-dam, light’s clarity I now know

Never a victim, a master in training
heart chakra focal point mindfulness reigning
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4/16/2018 9:04:00 PM

JW Nugent
Posts: 8
Could the too and to be reversed in second stanza?
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