Poetry Forum
Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.
5/17/2017 3:05:21 AM
Felicia Jarvis Posts: 7
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I posted a poem at an English learning site. I received a comment pointing out my grammar mistake. But I don't think that is a mistake. I like that expression. Please read the following poem and let me know your honest opinion about the expression, "the hearts of we the cursed dead."
Tiny Droplets
Tiny droplets released from plants Gently touch things of all sorts to cool burning anger to relieve this passive fear and soften the hearts of we the cursed dead, finally returning to the ground.
Thank you. edited by Felicia-J on 5/17/2017
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5/19/2017 2:33:23 PM
Barry Stebbings Posts: 9
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Did the site give an alternative expression they thought was more correct? It might depend on whether the site expected poetry or prose. I find there is more freedom in sentence construction in poetry than prose. Poetic form allows for rhythm and meter which is not required in prose. Personally, in a poetic form I see nothing wrong with it.
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5/20/2017 11:14:38 AM
Keith O.J. Hunt Posts: 1
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You're right and they're wrong. In fact, it is the most necessary line in the poem. Keith O.J. Hunt edited by littlespear on 5/20/2017
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5/23/2017 11:29:58 AM
Felicia Jarvis Posts: 7
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Thank you so much. I think so, too.
Barry wrote:
Did the site give an alternative expression they thought was more correct? It might depend on whether the site expected poetry or prose. I find there is more freedom in sentence construction in poetry than prose. Poetic form allows for rhythm and meter which is not required in prose. Personally, in a poetic form I see nothing wrong with it.
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5/23/2017 11:31:32 AM
Felicia Jarvis Posts: 7
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Yes, you are right. The line is the most important part for me. Thank you.littlespear wrote:
You're right and they're wrong. In fact, it is the most necessary line in the poem. Keith O.J. Hunt edited by littlespear on 5/20/2017
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9/14/2017 10:30:17 AM
Faeeza Paruk Simjee Posts: 14
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i think its perfect! just a thought - maybe reader felt the 'we should be 'us'... or you could add a comma after the 'we' to guide readers, e.g. and soften the hearts of we, the cursed dead,
i'm fine with either though!!
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3/9/2018 12:11:38 AM
stephy thomas Posts: 1
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This poem was excellent. good inspiring message include to this poem. each line is perfect. the poem give a good feeling. retail pos software Company Dubai conduct a poem writing competition. all are welcome. Thank you edited by poscad on 3/9/2018
-- retail pos software Company Dubai
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