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Sun

Sun. sun. sun.
Shining brighter than the moon
The very thing I have always hidden behind
 always longing to be as, bright as, shone as, loved as, longed for and exposed 
I let him touch me a couple of times before,
 but always went back to hiding behind the moon. 
She’s always felt safer 
the darkness around her and soft hue
Always made my wounds feel at home 
 the sun, warm, bright and masculine.
Makes me feel like i’m on a cold disinfected examination table
Cut wide open 
His love feels like being poked and prodded
Left wide open
At least with the moon, 
Darkness surrounds her holds her and makes her whole
I get to hide in her darkness 
Be held and not exposed by her
She doesn’t force my legs open 
Nor my heart or my soul 
But allows and accepts me as I am
The sun does the same 
it’s just exposes everything 
It makes me squirm 
And seek for safety in isolation 
It longs for safety 
For it’s loving warmth
 cold hearts and misery  and pain feel safer
This feels scary 
Always an arms length away 
I say so his warm lips will stay away
Until another rainy day 
But even then
Push him away before
He sees all of my stains
From previous days

I don’t know what to say to him,
The sun
I’ve been running for so long, that I don’t know how to live, breathe or move in the light.
what does it look like? I just don’t know because living in darkness is easier.

Copyright © Kendall Moon

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